Another Loser

184

2011-07-08T09:33:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. You thought I fell off the face of the earth. I am sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't. I am still here and still going strong. Well, pretty strong. I have a JC weigh in tomorrow, but got on my scale in my bathroom -- yikes! --- this morning. I was a dead-on 184. Assuming I have a good day today, that puts me at about 185.5 tomorrow at JC. Woot, woot!!!

My summer has been busy, busy, busy! I am STILL NOT working out regularly, and I need to do that if I want the weight to peel off more quickly. But for just a little yet, I'll keep up with what I'm doing. I'll deal with flabby underarms and jiggly thighs another day. For today, I leave you with a great little prayer my mom sent me today.

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated.

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney.

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won.

Let me stand at the Heavenly gate,
In a shining robe, Lord – wearing size 8..
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
and of pasta a la Milanese...
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth. Amen

Have a fantastic weekend my friends! God Bless!

191.2

2011-05-31T06:34:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure you can guess my mood today. I am so incredibly thrilled to be on what my body bug calls a "downward trend." It's been a crazy month, and I am happy to have held on for the ride and kept right on losing.

In case you didn't hear, Consumer Reports recently rated all of the top weight loss programs recently. Jenny Craig came out as number one. Since I am on the program, I am obviously not surprised. I have lost 20 pounds on it. I love it. And I tell everyone about it. I know it's not something everyone wants to try, and I know not everyone can afford it. But you don't have to buy their food. In fact, I don't believe you even have to sign up with Jenny Craig. To me, it's the accountability. That's what keeps me on the program. Having to get on that scale every week and show someone whether I have stayed on track is exactly what keeps me on track. So let me tell you, even if you aren't doing JC, you CAN find someone to weigh in with every week. You can find a "diet buddy" to work with and motivate you. It really helps if it's someone who wants to lose weight themselves. I know for certain that seeing my sister drop weight week after week is a TRUE motivator for me. I want to keep up.

I moved into a new house this month, had a holiday weekend, and I've had lots of "special occasion" nights. I have had a few tough days of overeating. But I have stayed pretty firmly committed. I DO NOT want to stay this weight. I am sick to DEATH of the size 16's and anything with a "w" on the end. Sick, sick, sick of it! I want to shop in stores that have size 14 and under and find something that fits me. I want to look and family pictures and not be the one that stands out because of my size. I want to see a picture where one of my thighs isn't the width of the next person's entire frame. This body has got to go!!!!! Enough already.

So in the weeks to come, I am going to stay challenged, stay on the program, stay strong. I can talk myself into anything. It's only my own mind that stops me.

So. There it is today. Another great day. And I hope to have more. And come back and tell you about it. So I'm off and running this morning. Have a fantastic day. God bless!

195.4

2011-05-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks. I lost another 4.4 pounds this week. I am beyond thrilled, as I am sure you can imagine. I can't hardly believe it, either. I had hoped to be down to a dead on 198, but almost died when the other number popped up. Yipppeeeee!!!!!!

The ONLY downside to losing so much so quickly is that I am in between jean sizes too. Jeans that I wore a month ago are hanging on me. Jeans that I WANT to wear are just a smidgen out of my range. But it will come, and I know it. I know I'm doing a program that works, I know I am more motivated than I have been in over a year and a 1/2, and I know I will succeed. I am looking ahead to December - and skin, skin, skinny! Yes I am. And I will be.

I have tons to do tonight, so I need to sign off early. I hope to get back on here before the weekend. I want to tell you about where the fat goes. You know, when you "lose it." Where does the fat actually go? Anybody know? Hmmm..... a thought to ponder.

Have a great Monday. Love and blessings ---

The Tools in My Tool Box

2011-05-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Whoop-di-doo! I am absolutely thrilled to be out of "twoderville" and into "one-derland." Of course it's never as fast as I'd like it to be, but I am super happy. That's 1/2 pound shy of 15 pounds I have lost since I joined Jenny Craig in March. Yay me!!!!

I remember joining Nutrisystems about 6 or 7 years ago. The meals were shipped to me, and it just felt weird. On top of that, the meals were just mediocre, not great. The food at Jenny Craig is no short of outstanding. Oh sure, there are a couple of meals I haven't cared for, but as a rule I have loved all of it. And the snacks are fantastic. Little cakes, cheddar cheese popcorn, s'mores bars. . . good stuff.

I have considered what will happen when I switch to "real" food. But the truth is, I know what to do. I know what to avoid. I just don't always do that. Nor do I ever seem to want to. But I am learning. I eat out plenty, and have to choose what keeps me close to my calorie intake limit. I eat subway and salads and soups. I avoid heavy carbs like pasta and bread, as well as high fat foods like cheese and deep fried food. I HAVE the tools the make it all work, I just don't always take them out of my big fat tool box. I need to make that a priority and a habit, and stay on it. I have to CHOOSE. Every snack or meal is a choice. I choose the food, and I choose the portion size. My "tools" include my knowledge of the foods and my knowledge of what works for me. I know, for example, I eat at night. I prefer that to eating breakfast. At this point I do both, but my evening food has become the superb JC snack cakes (chocolate, strawberry or lemon).

So, this week I will continue to you choose what is best for success, and continue to pray for the will power, determination and drive to make those good choices. And today, I pray the same for you -- whether that's about food or other matters.

Have a marvelous week folks! Until next time . . .

Plateau

2011-04-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

Well here we are again. Honestly, my life is so busy right now I can hardly stay afloat. I have stuck to my program. Easter weekend I had a little wine and a little too much "Easter" -- but overall it was fine. I did a great job. So I am sure you can appreciate my frustration when I went to weigh in today and was down only by .4 pounds. Down yes. But over two weeks? Booooo!!!!!

I stuck to the program. I got exercise. So it must be a plateau. Happens all the time, or so I'm told. To me, it looks like the picture here. I am looking across a vast ocean and can't see the other side, which represents the goals I have set. I am navigating this barge that I call a body toward that goal, and there's no current or wind to help me along. Just me and whatever motor I have inside. Ugghhh!

But, I suppose it could be worse. I could be my sister. She broke her kneecap, so she is laid up in bed. She is starting to get around a little bit, but still needs lots of rest. So how did this happen? She fell down while she was skating laps with me. I forced her to go skating with me, and she wiped out and broke her knee. The UP side is that she loved it, and said she plans to go back as soon as she is healed. I'm glad, or would probably have felt pretty guilty.

So I worked through the anger and frustration of the morning's weigh-in, and I plan to stay tight on the program. I know it works. I know this is a temporary glitch. I just want it to move forward. And the truth it, the wine alone last weekend could have made me bump up and stay there awhile. That always happens when I drink wine. So, I'll be avoiding that for a bit.

So I am very busy making some big life moves here. I'll report as I have time, as I am somewhat overwhelmed at the moment. So please pray for me, and I will pray for you. Until next time, God bless ya'll!

204.4

2011-04-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

I am seriously on a roll!!!! What a thrill. Sometimes there are no words to describe what it feels like when you get on the scale and see a really nice drop. And I am quite sure that it's all due to John Paul II. I know, you're asking how that can be. Well I'll tell you.

Pope John Paul II has been one of my personal heroes for almost thirteen years. I have a running list of people I admire, but this man has had more impact on me than I could ever begin to tell you. And I wanted more than anything in the world to meet this man. In fact I prayed for many years that God would work it out that I could meet him. And of course, I really wanted that to be while we were still on earth. So when he passed away at the age of 84 on April 2, 2005, I was genuinely and sincerely devastated. It was like losing a second father.

When I started my weight loss journey, I started a novena to John Paul. A novena is a prayer you say for 9 days. And for nine days in a row I had a little visit with John Paul II. I asked him to ask Jesus to help me stay motivated, to keep exercising, and to see quick results. In particular, I really wanted to see the 190's by Easter.

When I saw the scale results this week and last week, I knew he was doing what I asked. It is now a reality that I could be under 200 by Easter. Granted, it might be on my home scale and not the Jenny Craig scale, but when I started the novena I was thinking that's the scale I would be using anyway. Unbelievable. And then I got a REALLY miraculous surprise. The Catholic Church announced the day of JPII"s annual feast day (the day we celebrate his life on earth and in the church). And guess what???? It's MY BIRTHDAY! I seriously know that it was a little message from him, telling me that he will be watching out for me my whole life, in every way. We are connected by time and space. I'm just going to have a wait a little bit to see him.

So. That's my little inspirational story for today, which is Sunday. A good story if I say so myself. But, I never got around to telling you about the food last week, so I will do that in the next couple of days. Until then, happy meals, happy days and sweet dreams.

H is for Home Run

2011-04-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

And that's what I hit at my weigh-in this weekend. A home run! I know the numbers listed here on my blog are what I intended to use, but the truth is, life without a scale is one worth living. I thought it would slow me down, cause me to given in, eat more. I was wrong. The ungodly fear of those numbers at Jenny Craig kept me on track. And since my numbers there have now passed what I was seeing on my home scale, I can just use those. So here's the recap: I started the Jenny Craig program on Wednesday, March 23rd. I weighed in at a whopping 214. A week later I weighed in at 210.4. On Saturday I weighed in at . . . drum roll please . . . 207.4! Whoop dee dooo!!!! Now that's a home run! And this after a beautiful night at the Twins' game at Target Field (where I had salad and 1/2 piece of cheese pizza). I kept the momentum at my black tie dinner on Saturday night, eating all of my salad and asparagus, but only taking a few bites of the steak and salmon.

Yesterday was tougher. I went out to eat with my kids. I ordered a cup of soup and egg salad on whole wheat. But guess what? When I went to check the calories online later, I found out that my little sandwich is almost 500 calories!!!!! Booooo hooooo hoooo! So sad. So I probably ended up eating 1500 calories yesterday, with no exercise since Thursday.

So it was back to work today. I skated 45 minutes -- dragging my sister along to show her how wonderful this exercise is. I'll walk a little later I think, too. Back to the grindstone. But I am good and ready. I want to be out of two-derville and back in one-derland SO bad! I was hoping by Easter, but I am not so sure it will happen.

Anyway, I'll tell you about some of my yummy foods later this week. You might just be a little jealous. Hehehe. Until then, pray for me and I'll pray for you. Have a glorious day!!!

Skating on Thin Ice

2011-04-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

What a week I have had! Life is good. First off, I got rid of my scale. Complete withdrawals, but that is better than being irritated and depressed all day.

Also, I found a beautiful ice rink and headed there to skate twice this week. I was missing my skating buddies from the northwest, but loved being back on the ice. And I don't use fancy schmancy girls' skates with a toe pick anymore. Despite the fact that at one time I aspired to be the next Dorothy Hamel, I find that girls' skates are horribly uncomfortable and gave me big, oozing blisters. So I went out and bought a pair of used hockey skates. I love them. They're roomy and comfortable. I can't stop in them, but who cares? I get done what I need to: laps. And laps and laps and laps. I slap on my head phones and nano and off I go. I used to have skating partners, but since they are now in another city, I just sing to myself instead. Too bad for everyone around me . . . haha . . . they get a serenade!

So. Skating and walking. I ended each day with a 2 or 2.5 mile walk. VERY good way to end the day. The only downside is that my little armband doesn't accurately record the calories I burn skating. It says I only burned about 250 calories. But every other source says that even slow skating burns twice that for 50 minutes. So I guess I will have to wait until I weigh in to see how many it really burned. I can do that.

I am a teensy sore and tired today, but in a good way. I have a busy weekend ahead. Minnesota Twins game today, weigh in at Jenny Craig tomorrow, and tomorrow night is a black tie gala for Children's Hospital at the Depot in Minneapolis. Not too worried about my food. They don't usually over-fill the plates at the gala dinners. As for the Twins' game, I can just steer to salad. Not suppose to have meat today, but if it comes down to bad choices, I may eat meat anyway.

So that's the story on this beautiful Friday morning. I will let you know how the JC weigh in goes In the meantime, enjoy the weekend and God Bless.

My Roller Coaster Ride

2011-04-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

That's my life. A giant roller coaster. It's up and then down and then up and then down. And sometimes I throw up.

My weigh-in with JC was excellent on Friday. I was down 4.5 pounds. I had a great weekend. I ate well and got in some exercise. And today, my weight was up a pound. But with all of these different numbers and weigh-ins my mind is swimming. I know I brought the confusion to my own doorstep, but that isn't any consolation. Here's what happened: I weighed myself at home two weeks ago. That was the first number. Three days later I weighed in with Jenny. I had on jeans and a sweatshirt. Full, heavy clothes. Another number. Friday I wore sweat pants. Light clothing at JC -- and the scale showed a decline in my weight and my clothes. At home on Friday, I was also down another pound. The scale showed 207.4.

I have no explanation for the rise this morning, except that I had some bread when I went out for dinner and a play last night. I guess I also had a little too much chicken or something. It doesn't really matter. The point is, I have several different numbers going every which way at the same time. I need some consistency. Plus, I am tired of that little machine wreaking havoc on my emotions. So here's my plan. I had one of my children take my scale. I will get on it again next Monday. This is the number I will use to track my weight loss from week to week. I would use the JC number, but theirs is about 3 pounds higher, and who needs that???? Notta me. So no, forget that. Mondays will be my weigh in day. This is really a news flash folks. I am a SCALE JUNKIE, as you well know. It's as addictive as any drug. I am pretty sure I will even go through horrible withdrawals. So I hope I can stick to my guns.

And while I'm off the scale, I hope to kick start my body again. As usual, it is clinging desperately to the poundage I have accumulated. But one thing I know for certain: it cannot and will not hold on to it for good. I will win. It WILL come off if I continue to eat 1200 calories a day. And I will.

So that's my lovely story for today. I am staying positive. And I just keep saying my prayers, asking for help staying motivated and to help speed my results. As always, I will keep you posted on how we go. God Bless you all real good! :)

Satan is Hiding in My Scale

2011-03-31T12:30:00.000-07:00

That's what my mother said. The scale is Satan all dressed up in shiny metal and plastic. The scale lulls you into the bathroom, sweetly calls out to you, tempts you with hope and desire, asks you to dance . . . and then WHAM!!! Your spirit is sucked right out through your toes, your hopes dashed and your day destroyed. And for what? Three tiny little digits (and I don't mean toes). But I think she might be right. So, I am avoiding the scale until I weigh in with Jenny tomorrow.

It's an odd feeling to go off and weigh myself on someone else's scale. It's even stranger to be buying prepared food and bringing it home. I know what food works and what doesn't. I know what foods to avoid. I have read all the diet books and blogs and blah, blah, blah that's out there. At this point, reading new information might just be a supernatural event in my life. And I already know that I plan to balance Jenny and my other weight loss methods. So here's the bottom line:

IF THE PROGRAM WORKS, STICK WITH IT.

Some people do Weight Watchers, some Adkins or South Beach, some eat what they want and limit portions, some don't change their eating habits but start exercising. There are a lot of different ways to approach weight loss. And as long as the method is healthy, I say GO FOR IT!

For me, it's all about the calories in and out. 1200 calories a day may seem low, and even dangerous, to some people out there. But it's a necessary number for my body. It works for my body. I'm not starving. Not in the least. And truthfully, experiencing the sensation of hunger is definitely not the worst thing I can to do my body. The sensation of being overstuffed and bloated? That comes with the extra bonus of depression, self-deprecation and loathing. Yeah. Gotta love that. No thank you.

There is a lot of inspiration out there if you want to tap into it. A great many success stories. I want to be one of them. I may not like that I took over a year to get back to this, but I am, in fact, back to this. This weight has got to go! I am keeping both of my chins up and heading to my weigh in tomorrow with great hope. And you will be the first to hear about it. Okay, well maybe not the first, but I will let you know the results. While you are waiting, have a glorious evening. Toodles.

Waiting To See

2011-03-29T20:17:00.000-07:00

Chello all! What a busy couple of days this has been! I have stayed on track for a full week. I started blogging again after the start, but I have had so many false starts over the last year or so that I had make sure it was real. And it is. I am back in rare form.

So one week ago, on March 21, was my official "restart" -- motivated in part by my sister's 12 pound loss over the course of a month that included a vacation in AZ. Can you say jealous? Well I can. And I was. And then she told me she called Jenny. As in, Jenny Craig. She joined to make herself accountable. It was a bit pricey, but she thought it was worth it. And then she showed me the little 'extra' they give to their enrollees. It's called BodyMedia. It's a little unit that you wear in an armband on your upper left arm. It tracks the calories you burn, your levels of activity, the time of activity, the efficiency of your sleep and the number of your steps. You sync it online and enter the foods and calories you consume during the course of the day. NOW I was jealous. I wanted one. BAD. And here's the clincher: if I join because of my sis, my cost is 1/2 price. The unit sells retail for $275+, and then you pay a subscription fee. With Jenny, I could have the unit, free subscription, a week's worth of food and accountability for price of the unit. Still super expensive, but I was in.

So off we went to Jenny to get my BodyMedia.... I mean, sign me up. Honestly, I was not interested in the food part of it. I don't want to buy 21 meals and 21 snacks every week. Just give me the little armband thingy and I am fine. Off I go.

And then something interesting happened. I thought it might be good for me to weigh in every week. And then I started to think that since the food for the first week was included, I might try that too. And guess what? The food is really good. It's not Nutrisystems. I have tried that. And there are definitely items I don't like. But there are more that I do. And more than once over the past week I have been starving when I got home, and was thrilled to know that my very low calorie meal was only 4 minutes away. I could get used to that

But I also made one of my Herbalife protein shakes during the week, and realized how much I missed them. YUM! So perhaps I will balance the two, giving in to my need for Jenny Craig Macaroni and Cheese but also indulging in the shakes I love so much. Either way, I am back at 12oo calories.

OH!!!! And my scale ran out of battery. I have rectified that situation, so I'll give you my weight after I get on tomorrow. Busy. Wow, wow, wow. So I'll let you know about my exercise when I come back too.

In the meantime -- notice the email enrollment up in the corner? You can have my blog sent to your email address if you want. Cool beans. God Bless y'all! Sleep tight.

208.8

2011-03-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

I know. You thought I died. And there have been days over the last year that it would have been easier to have landed that fate, frankly. But alas! I am alive and still very overweight.

It has been almost a full year since I last logged on. I gained back another 12 pounds after that last post, too. But I have made many changes and I am ready to get moving again. I will tell you that it probably wouldn't have been a fun journey during the time I was absent anyway. During that time I hosted a graduation party, we had our famous 4th of July breakfast on the beach (my fave you know), my kids and I moved 250 miles to a new city . . . the list goes on and on. LOTS of big changes. But I am settled again. Mentally for sure. And I'm ready. I am really ready to get busy. My sister was instrumental in my turn-around, as she too is needing to "get going." Not that she's a fatty. Let's just say that people often think we are twins -- something that never happened when I was 135 pounds. So while we are not doing it together, we are sort of doing it together. You with me? I know you get it.

Anyway, I am going to go back through some of my older posts. I want to know where my motivation came from. What kept me on track? What stopped me dead? I was so driven for months. And then it all came apart, but I have never understood why. I have never understood why I wasn't able to hold it together. So that's my goal. To try and figure it out. I let you know what I know.

So . . . . here we go. I'll be back. :)

199

2010-04-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

No, I am not kidding. I am STILL 199 pounds. Oh. My. Goodness. I am so siiiiccckkkk of that number! And on Friday I popped down to 198.6. Then up again. And today . . . today was the annual Easter Family Bake-Off. Yes. The contest in which everyone creates delectable desserts and puts them out to be judged for both presentation and taste.

I didn't have an entry. But there were some dooooozies! Like a giant chocolate cupcake with big, pink, puffy frosting. There was a frozen peanut butter pie with candied bacon (yes, bacon). There was banana cream bars, key lime pie, carrot cookies with cream cheese frosting and raspberry tarts. Marvelous.

And I took one small bite of each. No more. A minuscule amount in order to decide which to vote for and that's it. And my brunch choices were fabulous too. I had an omelet with some fruit and a couple of pieces of bacon. All in all a great day. Until I ate a cheeseburger anyway. Ugh! All day resisting temptation, and I give in when we hit the golden arches. And I don't even LIKE Mickey D's! Dumb.

So I am hoping the damage is minimal tomorrow. I don't want to go up. I have been at this same weight too long, and it's time to go. I'm ready, willing and able to do it. Holiday today was a killer, but I think I'll be okay. I'll let you know tomorrow or the next day. Say a little prayer for me though, okay?

I'm off. I wanted to touch base. Planning to get outside training this week, so I'll keep you tabbed on that too. Take care y'all! I'll try to come back before the end of the week. Sayonara.

Ku-Ku-Kachoo

2010-03-29T16:20:00.000-07:00

I don't do well when I'm sick. I am a big baby, and generally complain and complain to anyone who will listen. And it was no different last week.

On Tuesday I sneezed 4 times in a row as I hopped into a friend's car to run some errands. And that was that. Full on head cold, complete with a horrible taste in my mouth. I got the chills, I was congested, I got a headache- it was terrible. I spent the whole day Thursday in bed!

On Friday I forced myself to get up and get moving. Got in a light skate in the morning. Just 20 minutes, but it felt good. Then I had some wonderful women come to visit me for the weekend. One of them had me try a "neti pot." Yes, a neti pot. An extraordinary experience, let me tell you! It's like a teapot. You fill it with warm salt water, and while tipping your head sideways over a sink, you hold the pot to your nostril and pour the water in. It fills up your nose, chokes through the back of your sinuses and comes out the other side of your nose.

Needless to say, I wasn't sure this was going to be terribly effective. In fact, it took some doing initially because my nose was THAT plugged. I sort of gurgled and choked it through. I couldn't breathe and was blowing bubbles with my nose back in to the pot. And then something crazy happened. It worked! It actually worked! Shocker! It drained immediately. I am seriously bowled over by this. And you should all try it. Not kidding! As much as I hate this word, the phrase "booger buster" keeps coming to my mind. lol.

In spite of the killer cold, I managed to make it through the week without doing any damage to my calorie schedule. AND I got through a weekend of good company and good food (and lots of it) without put on any weight. 199 this morning. Actually, I was 198.6 over the weekend, and I was really pumped. But that was apparently a major, major fluke. But that's okay. It's coming and I know it. I worked super hard today with my trainer, then skated for 35 minutes. I am on the tail end of this wicked cold and I'm exhausted, but I know the good numbers are coming.

So hurray for me!!!! Right? Right! I'll keep at it all week. I would like to be at 196 next Monday, but realize I should focus on one pound at a time. One pound at a time. Just the one. I just get anxious. You know me.

So, I am going to relax and hang out tonight. I think I need to work hard at staying healthy, or I will lose track of what I am trying to do. So I will keep you tabbed. Have a spectacular week. It's finally spring! :)

Queen of Mean?

2010-03-23T20:06:00.001-07:00

I learned something important this week. I had a horrible weekend of binge eating. I ate anything and everything unhealthy. And as the weekend wore on, my spirits plummeted. By Monday, I was sooooo crabby I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I was ticked off at every thought that sprang into my head, and couldn't pinpoint a bloody concrete reason. And alas! I had an appointment with my trainer. This wouldn't be good.

So I got there at 1:00. By 1:15 I was running on the treadmill at a 3 incline and a speed of 4.2, crying my eyes out and spewing out the venomous feelings that had built up. My trainer and my friend D were very, very supportive, but I chuckled later at the look of dismay that registered on their faces as I raged on and on. Hah! Good sports! And all the while my trainer is saying "Get it out! This is where you get it out. Work it off and work it out."

25 minutes later we moved on resistance training. By that time I felt both faint and sick. Workin' the thighs, core and arms at the same time. Light headed. Oh. My. Goodness. I didn't get in every exercise she put out there. I had to sit down to keep from passing out. No orange bucket that you could throw up into. But I kept at it, finishing strong with the oblique work. Good for me.

And then she told me something really interesting. She said that there are a LOT of people out there who have a physically emotional reaction to the wrong kind of carbs. Lots of bad carbs (chips, potatoes, bread etc..) can create an emotional firestorm in some people. It causes yo-yo emotions and depression. VERY interesting to say the least. I am going to really, really work at avoiding bad carbs, but I am also going to keep track of what happens when I do consume them. This is a pretty novel idea for me. It's like having an allergy to certain kinds of food. And if that is one of the things that causes me to experience melancholy and/or unreasonable anger, then I can live with avoiding it. BIG REVELATION!

So I will leave you with that bit of information, and then simply postulate this: do you suppose my trainer had too many carbs this weekend? Can you say "dominatrix"? Ouch.

Crazy

2010-03-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I am out of my ever-lovin' mind. Seriously. I mean, here I am, 199 pounds, planning to run/walk/run a marathon in October. My bro is training by running. I am working with my trainer, walking, skating & swimming. But I decided to test the competitive waters and really push myself out of the comfort zone in which I live. How? I have signed up to participate in a triathlon.
Did you faint? Don't feel bad if you did. lol. The look that comes across the faces of people I tell this too is either one of genuine concern for my MENTAL health, or pure, unadulterated incredulity. Err . . . . you whaaaattttt???

It's okay folks. I am not as ambitious as that. But I want to participate. So I enlisted the help of 2 teenagers -- a swimmer and a cycler -- to do this as a relay. So my swimmer will have to finish 24 laps in an olympic sized pool (yuk!). My cycler will have to pedal 13 miles of pavement (yuk!). And me, I have the easy part. I have to run 3 miles. I can handle running 3 miles. They think my part is the hardest. I don't agree. But that's why it will work.

Unfortunately, since our ages are 16, 16, and late 40ish, we cannot compete in a specific age group. But I'm not competing to win. I just want the t-shirt. And they seem to be okay with just getting in there and doing it for fun, so we're good.

Okay. So I'm needing to make sure I'm getting in a run every day. And you know me. I am a bit of a procrastinator. So pray for me. I don't have a lot of time! May 1st is only 6 weeks away and I'm pretty much still a big blob. Blob, blob, blob. But not for much longer. I've gotta move it!

With that said, I am going to go take a little snooze (did you think I was going to say take a walk? Hahaha). I will later. At the moment I've got a bit of a migraine. Going on two days and BOY does that get old! So I'll go for a little shut eye before I walk or run. Besides, I skated for an hour this morning. Skating helped take the edge off of my headache but didn't get rid of it. All that blood circulating and my heart pumping - I could only hope it would disappear. And tylenol, ibuprofen, and aleve have not produced relief either. Oh well. It could be a lot worse.

So I'm off. Have a wonderful day friends. Life is good.

Too Busy To Breathe

2010-03-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

eSometimes I find myself with absolutely nothing to do. Bliss. It's bliss, really. Being able to go about your day as you choose, doing either nothing or going like gangbusters.

Well, I have been going like gangbusters for a week straight. So busy. And of course that translates into an excuse to eat poorly.

I was on retreat last week with all of the women in my family. Fabulously uplifting. Too bad it also means 12 women who like their food & wine. Add to that a full schedule, which means no exercise, and you end up with a ZERO weight loss week. Yep.

My weekend wasn't a whole lot better in terms of staying on track. Went to a work training all day yesterday. Didn't have lunch so I was starving by the end of the day. I managed to order a cobb salad at the restaurant for dinner (yum!), but couldn't resist a little taste of the onion rings that someone ordered as an appetizer. Boooo!

Today was off the to races again, and I didn't fit any exercise in again. I didn't get on the scale this morning, and I don't plan to tomorrow. I am afraid I'll be too depressed at the numbers. I work, work, work and seem to sabotage my efforts at the first sign of temptation.

On the other hand, I have put in a pretty sold few weeks of training and change of dietary habits. And again, the pants are baggy. So I feel like I just have to get back on the horse tomorrow morning and keep on going with what I've been doing.

Our trainer can't meet with us tomorrow, so we're going to start out with a nice hour-long walk at 8:30. Then I can maybe get in a little something at the gym too. We'll see. I'd prefer to skate, but the ice came out last week and I'm not sure there IS any. I plan to check after my walk. It's such a great workout, keeps my heart rate at a fat-burning level for a good 1/2 to an hour. I love it. And they'll take out the ice for a month or longer starting in mid-April, so I have to get it while I can.

Well I wanted to check in. I know it's been a while and I wanted you to know that I'm still here and still working at this. I AM going to win this battle. I refuse to let it beat me. I refuse to be a chubba chubba for the rest of my life. No way.

And with that little self-motivating spiel, I am off to bed. Sleep well and peacefully my friends. And I'll be back a little later in the week to give you my weight numbers . . . . (sigh). :)

Plateau-Plateau-Plateau-Plateau-Plateau-Plateau

2010-03-04T08:04:00.000-08:00

Yes my friends, I have hit it. The brick wall. The dreaded "plateau" that everyone who has ever dieted inevitably runs into. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, its a sad little joke your body plays on you . . . er . . . aside from the one about getting fat to begin with . . . and it refuses to shed a single ounce regardless of how strictly you adhere to your diet and exercise regimen.

Today, once again, I am 199 pounds. I have been the same weight for over a week. Almost 2 actually. And for those of you who think I must be "cheating" or slacking off, let me assure you I haven't. My highest caloric intake over the past week was last Saturday night, and it was right at about 1800. The other days have been 1300 or less. And my exercise has been off the charts!!! Not kidding. I get in strength training and aerobic activity almost every day. Usually between 1 and 2 hours worth. This is in spite of the fact that my training partner is off in Mexico somewhere drinking pina coladas and enjoying long siestas. Happy for her, sad for me.

The sad story of the plateau is all over the internet if you run a search. And searching comes with the added plus of a bazillion suggestions on how to break the plateau. Change what you're eating, change your exercise routine, yadda yadda yadda.

I'm not trying to make excuses here but my exercise routine is already insanely diverse. I train with the resistance bands, I walk and/or run, I use the elliptical, I ice-skate and I swim. I simply cannot imagine anything MORE diverse. So it's got to be the diet.

I came across what I know many, many people do to avoid a plateau. It's called calorie cycling. The idea is to load your calories higher one day, then lower them the next. It's like tricking your body into believing you are getting plenty so that it doesn't go into overdrive and hang on to everything. Interesting concept. Too bad I'm now petrified to try it. I gain a pound or two with a simple glass of wine. How the expletive am I suppose to do this every other day, as they recommend??? I just can't see that it would work for me. I understand the idea is to keep your calories to a certain WEEKLY number. I just don't know if my body will cooperate. Ugh!!!! What to do, what to do???

Well, I haven't fully decided what I will do. My only other option is to try and cut out more carbs, but I don't love that idea because of my work outs. I think I need the protein/carb balance I have.

So. That's whatsahappenin' in my life today. Can't believe a week has gone by. I really want to be better about getting on more frequently. In the meantime, I could really, really use your prayers. I'm a little exasperated and while I'm not on the brink of giving up, I AM on the brink of eating a big fat donut. Lol. I am sick of 199. Sick of it.

Have a great day! God bless you real good.

Same Sweaty Story

2010-02-24T13:47:00.000-08:00

Oh. My. Goodness. Who would have thought that a mat with a little cushion and three little tubey things with handles could be conductors for so much pain?

I have been to work out with my new trainer three times, and every single time I have poured sweat like it's raining indoors. We start with 15 -20 minutes of cardio. Once the heart rate is boosted we move on to resistance training. As usual, I am the only one in the room that looks like a heart attack is imminent. But I have discovered that I have a second little manifestation of how hard I am working: my breathing. Not kidding. I sound like I am giving birth. Whoo, hooo, hooo, hooo . . . you get what I'm saying here? Loud, unsettling and disruptive breathing. I mean, why me? Why can't I just get in there, perspire and turn a pretty blush color and get done? Noooooo! I turn scarlet red, pant and gasp like I'm in labor, and sweat buckets and buckets.

It's very attractive. Really. :)

After our workouts with the trainer we skate. Just about 1/2 hour or so. I love that part. It's literally the "cool down." Turns what was suppose to be an hour of exercise in the early morning to an entire 1/2 day of exercise but I don't care. I feel so blessed that I have the flexibility in my schedule and the time to fit this in that I can't complain for a second. Well, maybe I can for a second but only about how my muscles ache -- not about the process itself.

And my weight? BOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am still the same as last week. Sick-en-ing! It may be that my body is readjusting, it may be making other changes since I am very, very 40's. Whatever it is, it's ticking me off. BUT! But, but, but . . . my jeans this weekend were really baggy through the butt and thighs. Really baggy. I think I might even be able to throw them in the dryer and still wear them again. Haha. So I'm sad about the numbers but happy about what is sure to turn out as a loss of inches.

I also have to say that I am really watching what I eat. I had a little too much bread on Saturday night when I went out to dinner, but my meal was broiled fish with no butter or oil. The rest of the weekend was pretty good. So it'll happen. I just need patience.

Okay folks, I am off to watch hockey. Have a fabulous evening. God love ya!

Another Trip From Twoderville

2010-02-18T17:06:00.000-08:00

I know I've been here before. A year ago actually. I marched happily and proudly out of the 200's and into the 190's. Goodbye Twoderville. I honestly thought I'd never go back again, but I was wrong. I could lower my head and pout about this, but I'm not going to. That would be counter-productive. I am back on track and I am proud to be at that 199 mark again.

Working my tail off to get there, too. Started with my brand new trainer yesterday. I think I'm really going to like working with her. I am attaching a video here of her and a product that she developed (and we used). Don't be misled though. It's tough business using those things. I was sweating and shaking at a level you all would be proud of. Did I say sweating? Yea. I meant POURING water out of my pores. D and Natalie were poised and controlled. I looked like a big bag of cherry jello-o trying get control of my contours. Hehe. It was good though. It was good.

D and I left Nat's and went skating for a 1/2. That was great too. Then onward for a veggie omelet. Today it was 45 minutes of skating. After that I went swimming for 40 minutes. That's twice this week! I am on target folks. On target for 2 pounds a week. 15 weeks = 30 pounds = 170 by June 1st. That would be positively grand!

The other side to this, of course, is that I need to get into a walking/running/marathon training groove. I have decided that I can take February to get in the habit of regular exercise and good eating. Then I'll try to get into a more regular walking / running program. That's the plan anyway.

Okay. That's today's wonderful report. Glad you could join me to hear it. You all have a good evening, and I'll be back soon! :) Here's the video I promised!

The Way God Answers Prayers

2010-02-15T08:48:00.000-08:00

It's always been difficult for me to understand why God can't show me His presence in a more concrete way. For years I felt like he was playing peek-a-boo. What I learned after a lot, lot of years is to recognize his voice. Pray enough and you get used to being able to discern whether you're hearing your own voice in your head or whether you're hearing what God has to say. So too, you recognize God's hand in almost every single situation you face. And when it comes to humor, God will not be outdone.

For example, I have been praying pretty intensely since the summer ended for the strength to pick up my guns and win this weight battle. I have a running list of petitions that I keep reminding Him need His attention, and this is one of them. And He has answered this particular petition in a way that I have come to recognize from him - with ironic humor. "Ok, ok" He's says as puts the idea in my brother's head to run a marathon AND to ask me to do it with him. Then He orchestrates a new trainer for me. My friend D and I start next Wednesday. Three times a week.

Now I am starting to get a little nervous.

But then comes the icing on God's sweet surprise. It turns out someone from my past is one of the owners of an EXTREME gym called API. See that little skull and crossbones there? That's their logo. Apparently the trainers are . . . scary tough. My friend is an owner and I trainer. He sent me a message saying he heard I could use a little boost and wants to help. I have to track all of my meals and eating for a week and send it to him. He's going to design a program for me. And when I get to his neck of the woods, he'll be having me come into their facility to kick my butt. Hopefully my training now will prepare me for THAT. Someone told me they have big orange buckets in their gym so people have a place to throw up. YIKES!!!!!!!

All of these worries will make my hair fall out. I'll have the butt of an 18 year old boy and the scalp of a 60 year old man. What a trade-off. Hahaha. All the while, my good friend Jesus is smiling. He's giving me what I asked for. And once again, I am reminded of the value identifying what I am asking for in a very specific way. We all know the adage: "Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it." There's a reason such advice exists. I'm proof.

So I will keep you updated. It's going to be a ride and I'm already white-knucked!!!! In the meantime, I stayed in a weight-hold over the weekend. A good thing. I even avoided the GREAT treats the little people in my world made over the weekend (pictured here). Woot!

A belated Happy Valentines to you all. And if someone out there doesn't love you, c'mon around here. I do.

♥

See Jane Run

2010-02-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

Some of my days are definitely scarier than others. Take last Monday, for instance. I got an email from my youngest brother that simply said:

Twin Cities Marathon October 3. I'm in. Are you?

Talking about stopping dead in your tracks. I stared at the screen. Holy cow! Am I in?????

Running a marathon has always been a dream of mine. Not sure why, but it's always been something I wanted to do. The problem is that I am a big, big person right now. On top of that, I am completely out of shape. A marathon is a daunting endeavor for young people who are in the best shape of their lives. But a middle-aged fat lady? Hmmm . . . .

I started to do a little research. I know from friends who have undertaken this mighty feat that if you don't finish the race you don't get a t-shirt. And you don't technically finish unless you cross the finish line in under 6 hours. Is this even possible for me?

I registered for the race, posting my non-refundable $100.00 last Friday. I did it because I know several things for sure:

- I have 7 months to train
- If I can walk or run every mile in 13.55 minutes or less, I can finish in under 6 hours.
- I want a t-shirt.

So there it is. Insanity in its fullest measure folks. A goal that seems infinitely unattainable as I sit here and type out this post, but completely do-able if I set my mind to it and get going. And that's what I intend to do. My mother has said I need someone to push me. I have put in an SOS to my big dog friend who walks with me. We are going to visit a trainer. And now I'm scared. :)

Still fighting the good fight daily. Getting lost . . . I mean LOTS of exercise. Loving my treadmill, although the weekend was busy enough to keep me from it.

That's the good word from God's country, where the whole of civilization has been shut down due to snow. Love days like that. God love you all and keep you safe and healthy and motivated to do your own thing.

LOST

2010-02-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

I am not sure all of you remember, but at the beginning of the summer my treadmill died. I thought it was a pretty good one. I didn't pay a lot for it but it did the job. Then out of the blue, nothing. The motor simply stopped. The lights didn't light. Dead.

I had someone come and look at it and he told me it was toast. Done. Finito. But I didn't really mind because it was the middle of the summer and all my exercise was happening outdoors anyway. So it was sayonara.

Fast forward to autumn. Again, didn't really care about the treadmill because I kept telling myself I was going to get to the gym, go to spin class, blah, blah, blah. And of course I went once, maybe twice and that was it. All the while my weight was creeping up and terrible eating habits creeping back in. Christmas hit, and I knew I had to get serious. But I didn't.

By mid-January, I was just about at the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. So I bit the bullet and bought a new treadmill. I have in the house instead of the garage, in a conspicuous place that's an eyesore, but I don't care. I have to get going.

So I got on it, and was bored, bored, bored. My brother told me he watches a movie when walks, so I decided that was the ticket for me as well. I started searching for some movies and came across a television show that one of my hockey player - adopted-type sons absolutely loved: LOST. I called him and asked him if it was a show that an old lady like me would like. Affirmative. So I got the first season (which he recommended so I have lots to watch and so I would know what's going on). I watched the first two pilot episodes, plus one more. That's all it took. Three times to create an addiction.

So . . . I decided that since I like it so much, I would only allow myself to watch it when I am on the treadmill. A good idea, since I couldn't wait to see the next episode. So back on I went. And again. I moved a TV up and in front of the treadmill because the volume on my MAC isn't loud enough to be heard over the sound of the treadmill. Perfect. I am so excited. It's perfect. And once again I'm walking to Vegas folks. Walking to Vegas.

I should add that I got back on the ice yesterday in spite of my injury. Still can't stop well, but the work out is great. I also got in a 40 minute swim. So today my weight was already down to a dead-on 200. Woot!!!!!

So I am off to lead my busy life. I'll be back over the weekend. Peace out.

Back from the Dead

2010-02-01T19:30:00.000-08:00

That's what it feels like, anyway.

It's been a long, hard 6 months. My busy summer and unusual schedule of traveling and activity put choices on my shoulders that even the prior 6 months of diet and exercise didn't prepare me to handle. And is seems once the momentum was lost, so was I and so was the battle.

I have tried to start again, over and over. I have been back to the "grind" of it every Monday since September. But I couldn't seem to get back into it. The comments from my last post were a big help, and actually right on. But I still couldn't manage to find the "groove."

So. Here I am. Back at it again. One of my followers started a similar blog recently. That motivated me. But . . . the REAL motivation is some traveling I have to do again in the spring. I have a wedding and a birthday party. I don't want to be a pudge-mo when I go. I don't. So I am back to the grind people. Back to the grind.

Today I went to the rink to skate. I have done that a few times in the last couple of weeks. I just need to make a habit of it. So there I was, skating along, burning those calories. Then we decided to change direction. I tried to stop too fast. Now let me just jog your memory here and remind you that I am Dorothy Hamel. :) OH!!! And I traded in my figure skates with a toe pick for hockey skates with no visible means of braking power. I love the skates. Really. No more blisters. But when I tried to stop and turn today, I spun in a circle. The next thing I knew: WHAM! The sound of my cheek smacking the ice. Wow. It really, really hurt. And now I have the most beautiful shiner you've ever seen on a woman. I honestly think I rearranged my teeth I hit so hard. Lots of ibuprofen for me in the next couple of days. Ouch.

So, my first day back to a serious, goal-inspired program I become a casualty. C'est la vie. It's part of the story I guess.

Alright. Baby steps. That's what I'm taking. And just so you know, the damage is pretty severe from the past few months. I am at a whopping 202. I hope, hope, hope to be down 35 pounds by mid-May. That's the plan. Hope. Pray. Excercise.

I'm off to run a quick errand before I lay my head down tonight. Sleep tight all. I've missed you.

A NEW MOTTO

2009-11-02T18:44:00.000-08:00

That's what it is. A new motto. It's a good one too. Every time I read it I am inspired. I saw it first on the wall of the gym on the Biggest Loser television show (I know, I know. I obsess about that show). But I read it on the show and I have tried to keep it in my mind. It slips away far too easy. So, I printed out a bunch of signs and hung them all over the place in my world. A reminder. And so far, it's been good. Although so far, its only been a day. lol.

I am struggling, and I am sure you know. I just can't get myself where I was. I want it bad, but apparently something in my psyche doesn't want it bad enough. I still have Valentine's Day as my goal, but I am having a hard time.

I got back on the ice last week. That was wonderful! I love, love, love skating. And my muscles hurt the next day. So I have to get back and keep doing that. I was hoping to get in a little more walking outside before jump starting the winter activities. The weather here in God's country has been totally uncooperative. Rain, rain and more rain Then there was a little snow. And more rain. So that plan may or may not pan out -- we shall see.

So that's what I have for you today. It's up and down and up and down. A lot like my moods these days I'm afraid. Victory on my journey definitely fosters a cheery disposition! Anyway, I going to get up every day and try again. Try until I do what this sign says. I promised you and I promised me. So there. I stayed off the scale after a weekend of indulgences. I have had a great day, so I will get back on again tomorrow. Not sure what I will see. The last number we had was 192, remember. Not pretty. So I will let you know.

Okay - you all have a great day. It's nice being back here. It feels like home. *smile*

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

2009-10-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

Yep. That was the sound that could be heard for miles this morning. The sound coming from my bathroom when I got on the scale. My weight, in spite of being on track and actually getting going again on my exercise, WENT UP! Two pounds!!! I seriously almost died.

Do I understand? No. Am I frustrated? Yes. I had to take a long, hard look at what I did this week, and I am certain that my weight should be going down. However, I am equally certain that stress plays a major role in what our bodies do with calories and weight loss. And since my week was extraordinarily stressful - the last 7 days actually - I have to believe that my body is dealing with it by hanging on for dear life to whatever calories I put in there. I'm not sure of the dynamics in all of this, but I guess I have read about it and heard about it enough to know that its true.

I don't intend to throw in the towel when I am motivated the way I am today. Every day that I wake up motivated is a good day. And I will take advantage of ANY advantage that comes my way in this battle. I intend to win it.

Thought I would mention too that I got a GREAT inspirational email from my brother today. He lost 60 pounds and has kept it off for 4 years. I'm not going to pass on the whole thing, but I will tell you two of the gems he sent me way. First, exercise genuinely IS the key to weight loss. And second, "it's just a number." Both of these will get me looking great and concentrating how I feel instead of how the scale makes me feel. And it tells me I have to get busier, busier, busier at the gym or elsewhere to burn those calories and build that muscle.

Okay. There is it for today. It's nice to be back. I'm busy for a couple of days, but I'll be back sooner than later. Until then, I will pray for you, and you pray for me? Okie dokie? Peace.

Git R Done

2009-10-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

I see that phrase all over the place, and as "inspirational" as it may be for some people, it kinda drives me crazy. Not even sure why . . .

So I have had a decent week. I am not down any weight, but getting back into the groove is pretty exhausting. Funny how the same battles that I so quickly overcame last January crop up like they are brand new! Like exercise. Hahaha. DON"T love it, but at the same time I DO love it. I hate watching what I eat, but at the same time I love it.

I am inspired every single time I make a good choice. And the little choices are often the largest. For example, today I took a Hershey's kiss out of the adorable little spider candy dish sitting on my living room table (I really wanted to slide that dish info in somewhere :)). I had every intention of popping it into my mouth, when I suddenly thought about it. I dropped it right back in the dish. It may seem like a small, small victory, but it's not. The more times I say no, the more I practice disciplining myself, the better I become in making the right choices. After a while, it will be back to being the way I live instead of some deprivation for reward game.

And here's another interesting tidbit for you. I know you all know I'm big into prayer. So today I was doing just that. And I came across a genuinely moving paragraph in one of my prayer books. Thomas a Kempis said (and I'm paraphrasing) that there's is no glory in a crown that isn't hard won. The glory of success can only come when we overcome a great measure of adversity to achieve it. Now I know I've spoken of my journey as a battle before. But it was kinda fun seeing my sentiments in someone else's book of prose.

So, I'm going to keep praying for the strength to overcome temptation and make these choices my DESIRES instead of something negative. I'll pray for the courage to win the battle of the buldge. lol. It'll come. God is good.

I'm off . . . off to battle. God bless!

Capture the Moment

2009-10-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

That's what I've been trying to do. Capture the moment, or momentS rather, of last winter. I have gone over and over my strategy of weight loss over the last 10 months and I am left with nothing but a big question mark. Until now.

A comment from one of my readers from my August 31 post had a lot of interesting points. Some of them pretty hard hitting. This person encouraged me to go back and read between the lines from my earlier blogs. Look for the answers in what I have already said. Between that and the latest round of Biggest Loser episodes, I have tried to take an honest look at what is happening to me. And here's what I got:

Unless I set very specific, concrete goals for myself, I lose the "reason" for saying no to food that's unhealthy. I lose the motivation for getting myself to the gym. And I realize I cannot make generalizations like "I want to lose weight," or "I just CAN'T gain it back." There needs to be a purpose behind saying no. A concrete reason for making better choices. Otherwise I will give in every time. Every time.

I think it's interesting to note that when I was blogging almost every day I became accountable to people who read my blog. Real or imagined - there was accountability. So here we go. My goals, my purpose, my reason to say no.

1. My goal is to reach 150 by Valentine's Day. That's totally realistic for me. It's about two pound per week. . . or just over. I am 192 pounds - right on the nose. There's 19 1/2 weeks until Valentine's Day. Completely do-able.

2. I have 796 miles to Vegas. I'm walking or running there by Valentine's Weekend. I have decide if that's the weekend I'll fly there -- but it's looking like a great plan. :)

3. I have to blog 4 times per week. At least. It starts today. So keep checking back.

4. 1200 calories a day. 1200.

For now, I am going to keep enjoying my coffee. I tried to be done with it because I was trying to get rid of any and all "addictions" in my life -- the exception being hockey. Hee hee. But maybe I need to hang on to one for a while. Coffee isn't the worst thing I could do for myself.

Alright folks. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I will see you tomorrow. I'm off to the metro area for meetings. Long car rides are boring but it's not an option. Day one starts today. In the meantime, I hope YOU have a good day. I hope everything goes your way. Peace to you and yours today.

HOLY COW!!!!

2009-10-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

I cannot beLIEVE it has been that long since the last time I was here. Good gravy! It's time to get a grip people! This is simply ridiculous!

You already know I had the summer from hell. I mean, my prayer life is pretty decent, so that's holy. But the food . . . it was all down hill from July 1st on. The really unusual thing for me is WHY. Why can't I get the mentality that I had last winter? Why can't I stay on track? Why do I start every day with the best of intentions and end up with a jelly donut in my mouth by noon? (Okay well not a jelly donut. I don't even like those. But you get the point.) lol.

I have gained 13 pounds since July 1. This morning I was 190 pounds. BOOOOOOO!!! And of course I started out with the great intention of starting all over again. Today. Again today. And I have at least 50 pounds to get rid of. So let's talk numbers. If I lose at a rate of 2 pounds per week, I will lose 50 pounds in 25 weeks. When is that? The last week in April. Okay WOW! Seriously. HOLY COW!!! I gotta get this party started or it's never going to happen. So pray for me. Pray pray pray pray pray. I started okay today. Even got in a run - 2 miles, and then I walked one. But I have to stay with it. I got rid of my bigger clothes, so it's not an option. Tomorrow is a new day and I will keep you posted. And it won't be in six weeks. I promise. Nighty night.

P.S. to Willy: Thanks for the call about the lack of a blog entry. It gave me a little push. I'll be in touch! Hope I see you soon! I really, really miss you. :)

One More Week

2009-08-31T22:53:00.000-07:00

That's what I keep telling myself. One more week and my life gets back to a routine. I really love this time of year. I don't like seeing the summer end, but I love the autumn season. The Indian Summer days, the changing coloring of the leaves. All of the things that come with the fall. And I love getting back to a rhythm. The rhythm that comes from getting up at the same time every day, getting to bed a little earlier at night. Mornings that are centered around heading to the gym or the walking trail or the skating rink.

Oh by the way-- the ice goes back in at the rink this week and I can't WAIT to get in there and skate. Did I mention that I broke down and bought some hockey skates this summer? Getting around in those is going to be a hoot! I got them second-hand, for a great price, and they are in very good condition. In fact, I wish my body was in as good of a condition. Haha. Soon. Very soon!

I saw quite a few pictures of myself over the course of the summer. I'm not looking as awful as I did when I was 225, but I still look pretty chunk-a-dunky. I need to shave off about 50 more pounds. Of course I'm afraid I'll quit. I will get to 150, remember my age, and just try to maintain from then on. It's depressing from time to time to know that 150 satisfies me when it would have horrified my 10 years ago. So for now I will just stand firm in my goals and plow ahead.

My weight is steady as she goes at 186. I need to keep walking and counting, walking and counting. I'm way too lax right now. But again, next week kicks off the school year, and I am ready to roll. I just have to go through my cupboards and fridge and toss all the good stuff. Er, I mean the UNHEALTHY stuff. Yea. The unhealthy stuff.

I'll let you know how my week goes. Just wanted to touch base. You all have a wonderful week! And gear up. We're in this together!

Maintaining

2009-08-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

I gave up drinking coffee over the course of the winter. I love the taste. I love it even more when you mix in those ever-so-tasty flavored creams. My favorite is one of the seasonal flavors - Pumpkin Pie Spice. I know, I know. That seems a little much to be drinking. It's actually pretty good though, as are all of the newest flavors.

I started drinking coffee again during my trip to Denver this summer. I quickly learned that I needed artificial assistance in the form of coffee if I wanted to keep up with the teenagers on this trip. There used to be a time I could burn the oil at both ends -- staying up late, getting up early-- and still managing to maintain enough mental stamina that I made sense when I talked. NOT SO when you're in your 40's. So my option was to drag all day or perk up immediately. Ok. Coffee it is.

I have gone from energy tea and a protein bar each morning to coffee with flavored cream. I tell myself that it's just fine, but I'd like to get rid of this little addiction when school starts here in God's country. And while I'm at it, I will get better control of my diet. I won't be tempted with coconut m&m's and cheetos and hot tamales candy. I have another 2 weeks before school starts. I have two rounds of company in between that time, and one back-to-hockey season picnic. The first round of company wants to watch their calories but loves a great meal -- so we'll see how that goes. Since there are 16 of them, it's almost unavoidable that there's going to be extra little treats around. The second group is family for Labor Day Weekend. I can easily work around that. And the picnik, well that's a pot-luck. Unless I eat before hand I am in trouble that day.

The good news is that I am back into a pretty solid walking routine. That doesn't mean every day, it means three days or four days in a row, then off two. I don't have any intention of beating myself up over this. My summer has exceeded temptation in a way that not many people have to experience. I have done OK. Not great, but I have done ok. I am maintaining at about 186. And I know once my normal routine comes back around I will be well on my way to losing again.

Until then, just so you know, the new limited edition coconut m&m's are out of this world! They taste like tiny little Mounds candy bars. Stay away from them if you know what's good for you! :) And I'll be back again soon. Take care and enjoy life this week! Maybe add a little cream to your coffee! :)

Sick & Tired

2009-08-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

Greetings friends! I write to you this evening after a long, long day! A long, long summer, for that matter. I have spent the better part of this week getting back on track. Counting calories, out walking. It's been SIX WEEKS of fun and games. Six weeks. And I'm tired. I'm sick. And I'm sick and tired. I'm sick of junky eating. I'm sick of being sedentary. And I'm sick of watching my weight creep, creep, creep back up. And today I was literally sick to my stomach. My mother thinks I'm having withdrawals from sugary, fatty foods. I think she may be right.

Today I was 186.6 pounds. I have gained NINE pounds since the beginning of July. Not good. Not horrible either -- but it would be nice to have kept it off. Not possible this month. Seriously. Not possible. Think I'm exaggerating? Uhh . . . NOT.

Following my trip to the youth conference I was a leader at a camp for cousins that my mother hosts every summer. One morning in the middle of the week I was sitting at the kitchen table. I looked down at my plate of french toast smothered in butter and syrup. I looked up at the platters of bacon and sausage. I glanced to my left at the 5 dozen fried and glazed donuts. I looked to my right and saw a counter top covered with peanut butter, chocolate chip and snickerdoodle cookies, cream cheese brownies, rice krispie bars, little debbie snacks and 10 different varieties of chips. In the fridge was the leftover chinese wontons, rice and chow mein, as well as the refried beans and enchiladas from the day before. I turned to the other counselors and simply said: "This is a food nightmare!!!" I understood in the flash of an eye what 'gluttony' was about, and I was up to my eyeballs in it. This after a day of circus food that included everything and anything fried. Blahhhhhh!!!!!! And did I mention I started drinking coffee again over the course of the summer? Booooo!

I no sooner ended camp and I was off to my reunion. Wine. An automatic 3 pounds every time I drink it. So I jumped from 184 to 187. Of course the Carbone's pizza, one of my personal faves, didn't help either. And I battled that scale number over the next two weeks, topping off at 189 on Sunday of this week. No, no, no, no, no! I refuse to allow that number to get to the 190's. I was there last April! No, no, no! Not happening.

Sooo, I got back to work. Counting calories. And I need to keep at it. I promised you I wouldn't let you down, and I won't. I promise. I have forty+ pounds left to go and I have every intention of losing it. It's gotta go. And I have to keep exercising. I did plenty of walking, but not as part of a regular exercise time that I set aside each day. That little element dropped off and needs to be added back in. But I'm tired and winded and a fatty again. I'm thinking its going to be a couple of weeks before I'm comfortable with long distances. That's true even when I had between 10,000 and 18,000 steps on my pedometer each day. So for right now it's 40 minutes, or about 3 miles. I'll work back up to 6 miles before too long here.

And tonight I lay down my head - tired and sick. Literally. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better and easier. I'll keep you posted. But please pray for me. I need it big time! Peace and blessings to you all.

190

2009-07-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

JUST KIDDING!!! Greetings my dear blogger friends. I am sorry, sorry, sorry for this long delay! It has been a decidedly crazy month thus far, and I have about 10 more days of "unusual events" to go. My weight this morning was really 184.3 . Sad, but wonderful too. I sincerely expected a much higher number.

After three days in Orange County with some relatives, I did two days of damage control. I came home happy but water-puffed. I must have looked like a marshmallow. And two days didn't put my weight anywhere that I wanted it! Then I was off again. This time by bus.

I arrived home at 6:30 this morning from a seven day trip on a motor coach bus. I was one of 20 adults who took 70 teenagers to the Rocky Mountains for Steubenville Rockies Catholic Youth Conference. And might I just add here: I LOATHE the bus! Give me just about any other form of travel. Existing on a bus for a one-way, 20 hour trip is not pleasant. Living on the food available from any given gas station is even worse. Having absolutely NO control of the restaurants where you eat is . . . well it's torture.

And we aren't even going to visit the issue of liquids. Okay well maybe just long enough to say that at my age, you can't wait too long to go potty. Every three hours? Holy guacamole! I think you can figure out that if I drank water, I suffered. It's simply NOT a good idea to open up the bathroom on a bus that's carrying teenagers. There's already some unfamiliar teenage smells on the journey. No need to complicate the air even more! So water on the way out and on the way back was out of the question. Puff, puff, cocoa puff!

The UPSIDE of course, is that I gained about 7 pounds. Seven. I'll share what I ate over these past two weeks on another blog, but I can tell you with ease that these teenagers are offered more carbohydrates in one day than I eat in a week. It's cereal and muffins and donuts, buns with hamburgers and hot dogs, pizza crust, taco shells. . . it's insane. Seriously insane. Fresh veggies and fruit were a delicacy on this trip.

Soooooo, I am very pleased that I am not fatter than that little scale reflected today. I mean, we had Chipotle at midnight one night --closing out an amazing day of prayer with 1500 little calories. Can you say SCARY? Yea, I thought so too.

Anyway, I am going to check in later. I just want to let you know I'm alive and well and starting a fresh, new day. I hope yours is a blessed one. Peace.

Falling Off the Fatty-Wagon

2009-07-07T20:38:00.000-07:00

What a fantastic 4th of July it was! I'm not sure about the weather elsewhere, but here in God's Country it was a picture-perfect day. Beautiful. And we are blessed to have been able to spend it on the lake. Amazing.

So how's my weight, you ask? It's okay. I am back up to 180. And I deserve to be. I indulged in all sorts of extravagances this weekend. Ones that I wouldn't have touched even a few weeks ago. But when you're in up to your elbows, its hard to walk away.

Every year on the 4th my big family (and I mean numbers of people, not scale numbers - haha) gets together. We rent a canopy. Set up tables. I get up very early and with a little help from some elves grill breakfast on the beach. Huge griddles. Pancakes and french toast. Bacon and sausage. Caramel rolls and orange juice. Chocolate milk and fresh coffee. A family tradition. And the pancake batter is prepared from scratch with eggs, sugar, flour, milk . . . the good stuff. The french toast mix gets a splash of cinnamon and sugar. And it's all outdoors, which seems to make it smell and taste 100 times better than normal. So I had some. I considered making some pancakes from the Fiber One mix I just purchased, but managed to persuade myself that it was WAY too much extra work!

Then we had an afternoon of junk food. Chips. Bars. Salsa. I didn't eat much of that. No, no. I saved myself for dinner. Nevermind that I didn't have any calories left from my budget after the third bite of my french toast earlier. Dinner was going to be goooooooood!

After our annual family "Talent Show" my brother put marinated corn cobs, beef and chicken kabobs and barbequed ribs on the grill. I had a beef kabob and some ribs. I also had about 1/2 cup of au gratin potatoes. Keep in mind I haven't had a potatoe since last Christmas!!! Oh. Tasty doesn't describe them! And then of course there were the brownies. Brownies and cheesecake with fresh strawberries. And I ate both. I think I ate four brownies!!!! I felt so guilty it was ridiculous. I could EASILY have taken the whole pan of brownies with a big glass of milk and climbed under a picnic table and polished them off all alone. I think that makes me a brownie junkie or something. lol. I have always loved brownies, but these brownies seemed to have my name written on them or something. They called me by name, I swear!

So the day after the 4th I stayed off the wagon from which I had fallen. Believe it or not, I had KFC. Yes. Fried chicken. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Cole slaw. But let me just tell you something. I never, ever, ever eat the skin on a piece chicken. I don't care how original the recipe is or how many spices they use. It's the scalp of the chicken. The scalp. YUUUUUKKKKK!!!!! And we aren't even going to talk about the calories in it folks. It's just flat out disgusting. Follicle bumps and all. Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross.

So. So, so, soooo.... that was my weekend. And although I got back on the fatty-wagon on Monday, those 3 pounds joined me. I'm grateful it wasn't more. Like I said -- if I can maintain this month I'm going to be in great shape and I'll be ready to go like gangbusters in August.

Meanwhile . . . my long-legged walking buddy is back at it, and my sis is in town. They're gonna kick my a.s.s. this week exercising. Don't tell them, but I'm secretly looking forward to it! :) I'll try, try, try to keep you updated. Life is crazy here in the country right now.

I'm off to bed. May God Bless you and keep you and hear your prayers loud and clear. Peace.

177.2

2009-07-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

Hey all! Another great day in dietville. :) I'm still working off the weekend, and heading into a new one. A busy, food-filled one. So I'm trying to get ahead of the game. And it looks like that's working for me, doesn't it??? Yea.

I've been exercising a ton this week. Walked, ran. Walked, ran. And I'm doing a great job on my eating too. So I'm pretty happy. I just wish it wasn't so hard to stay in check when I get to the social stuff. I have so many more coming up this month. and I'm very worried about it. I'm sincerely starting to believe that if I can make it to August 1st without gaining . . . without sliding back into the 80's, I'm going to be in great shape. And let me tell you this, it's gonna be SUPER tough. But I will keep you in the loop. What I know, you'll know. Promise.

And I will keep exercising. That's going to be key. Without it I'm not gonna make it. We ALL know that!

Another dull post today, sorry to say. Despite all my "social" gigs I really have no life. Which explains why this is dull. It's all about the food and exercise. Hah!

So I'm going to sign off here. I'm going to try and post again before or during the weekend. It'll keep me honest and accountable. So until then, God Bless!

Working It Out

2009-06-28T17:37:00.000-07:00

Summer is crazy. The time gets away from me like no other season. I can' believe that it's the 4th of July next week. Can't believe it!

I've had a really great week, and my weekend wasn't too bad either. My weight stayed pretty steadily in the 170's last week, and I got in lots of exercise. Headed out to a couple of grad parties yesterday, but the food choices were super -- including subway sandwiches and lots of veggies. So I was able to keep the eating a minimum. But apparently, I still had a little too much. Plus, I couldn't get in a workout over the weekend.

Sooooo.... this morning when I woke up I had popped up to 180. I was down to 177.4 on Friday, so I accumulated a little water over the weekend. A little disappointing, to say the least. HOWEVER, I believe that this past 5 weeks, and the four weeks ahead of me, are unusually busy from a social perpective. I have a LOT going on this month too. Lots of company, lots of special events. And because of that, I have decided that I cannot beat myself up if I'm not losing 10 pounds a month. If I lose even 5 each month through this time, I'm still moving forward. Then I can kick it into high gear again in September.

I would love to say that I can keep on like crazy until then, but I know better. I know from these last two months. 5 pounds each. Not much. But together, its 10. And after July, it's 15. And after August, its 20. So HOPEFULLY from May to Labor Day I will have dropped 20 pounds. That's a big number in its own right. That's 175 by August 1 and 170 by September 1. Completely attainable. And I won't lose heart and pitch the whole program for feeling like a failure.

So that's the plan. The new plan. At least for today. lol. If it changes, you'll be the first to know. Hah!

Tomorrow I'm off and running again. I'll try to be better about blogging. I just get tired at the end of the day. Perhaps that means I will have to blog in the mornings. We'll see.

God bless you all. Thanks for hanging in there with me. It's what drives me.

xoxoxoxox

179.2

2009-06-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

I love hockey. A subject out of the blue, I know. But I've spent part of my last two days checking kids in at hockey camps and watching Junior A try-out games. And the distraction is good for me. I concentrate on everything EXCEPT food. I love the game. I love to watch it. And the added plus is that I have had a good couple of days as a result this distraction. Great eating habits and high activity levels.

Yesterday was particularly good. I got into the gym and ran 3 miles, walked one, and cycled 3. I didn't intend to work so hard, but once I was in there and got going, I just kept going. I wasn't tired, even if I was sweating like crazy. So I just kept going.

Afterward I treated myself to a massage. My neck and shoulder muscles are always sore. I feel like they've been sore for 3 months. I think it's partly because I don't stretch as well as I should. And even when I do, the ache seems to survive. I don't really mind it so much, but I decided to see if I could get some relief by getting a massage. And it wasn't too terribly different than the one I had in March. "Hellooooo Helga. I'm baaaaack."

So this time I guess my arm muscles were very tight and knotted. Helga worked them and worked them and worked them. Today I have bruises. Honestly! Bruises! I can hardly touch my upper arms. It's almost comical. So I guess I'm going to have to rethink this whole "relaxing massage" thing. It doesn't really work for me, does it? Haha. C'est la vie. Could be much, much worse, right?

The rest of my week is going to be equally busy, but I MISSED the intense exercise. Shocking, but I really missed it. And then I was too busy to get to the gym today -- truly -- but I am really looking forward to it for tomorrow. I actually really WANT to get to it. How weird is that??????

So I'm good. I'm really good. Maybe I'm not serious enough for some people out there, as the comment from my last post suggests. Maybe I'm not losing the weight fast enough. Maybe I'm stuggling. But that is the nature of the beast within. Whether it's eating, smoking, drinking, gossiping, lying, shopping -- all of us have our temptations. All of us have our struggles. Wouldn't life be grand if we could shake our vices from us without any hardship or struggle? But that's not reality. And set-backs are not the equivalent of failure. In my experience, success is heightened by the amount of struggles we overcome in order to achieve it. The harder the fight, the sweeter the victory. NO ONE wants to watch a game whose score is 10 to zero -- not even the winners. EVERYONE wants to see the game that goes into double overtime. Those are the best struggles. The ones we win in spite of the adversity. In spite of the set-backs. Those are the "wins" that settle into our bones and become part of our character. And that's what I want for myself.

So to you, my anonymous poster, I say this: I'm sorry I have disappointed you. But you have disappointed me, too.

That's it. I'm off to bed friends. Sleep tight. God Bless you all. And I'll report back as soon as I can.

Sliding Backward

2009-06-18T21:04:00.001-07:00

From the beginning, I have been determined not to slide backwards. I don't want this little "cartoon" to be me. And I don't want to stop dead in my tracks. I want to keep moving forward toward my goal.

My last month has been a constant and ongoing struggle to stay on track. I don't really understand why. I have a renewed hunger and a renewed lazy streak. I can't get myself motivated to get out and get exercise. I haven't done anything for a week. Bad, bad, bad.

I have to dig deep into myself and find the spark I had in January. Obviously being super-obese was a great motivator. But I am definitely not "thin" yet. Not by anyone's standards. I wish understood this "stall" in my program. I don't. I want to keep on. I just seem to be failing miserably right now. And until today I didn't have a plan to snap myself out of it. But I have given it a lot of thought. And I have decided to get to my basics again. Counting calories. I have to count calories. Exactly. Every day.

I have allowed myself 1200 calories each day since January 2. I guess around February I popped it up and gave myself up to 1350, but generally tried to shoot for 1200. I think it's time to drop that number. I need to shake myself up. And I need a change. So that's what it's going to be. I'm going to drop my calorie intake to 1000 daily. A little low, but my current inactivity calls for more drastic food measures. So that will be my new daily regimen.

I also need to get moving again. And tomorrow is a new day. A day for that. And I plan to.

A little depressing today. Sorry about that. It is what it is. Hopefully I will me more chipper as I begin to experience success and forward movement again. I haven't fallen too far off -- I'm at 181.6. But that's not acceptable. Not when I saw those 7's. And I will again. Soon. I can't stop now. I just can't.

I'm going to bed before I give in to temptation and eat. So nighty night. Peace to you all. And may the saints be with you too. . .

Nobody Does It Better

2009-06-13T22:17:00.001-07:00

I'm talking about fish. Deep fried. Beer-battered. And nobody does beer-battered, deep fried fish better than my friend R.B. And his daughter graduated this year, so they had a grad party. But there was NO WAY my friend could get away with any other fare, so that' s what it was.

Of all of the graduation parties and other events I have attended, I knew this was going to be the toughest. I saved up a BUNCH of my calories over a couple of days so that I could indulge in this fish. And I did. And it was absolutely fabulous, mouth-watering, and worth every single stinkin' calorie it contained. I had two pieces. Seriously. Totally worth it. Every other time I have given in to a whim or indulgence, I have walked away dissatisfied. Not today, my friends. Not today. He he he he. Yum, yum!

Which leads me to tell you that one of the most amazing lessons I have learned on this journey has been to stop. Just stop. Every time you eat or want to. Stop, stop, stop. Think, think, think. WHY am I hungry? WHEN did I eat last? HOW many calories have I eaten so far today? WHICH foods should I eat?

And that's not all. I can't tell you how many times over these months that I have started eating something and I realize it doesn't taste very good. Again, I stop. Throw it away. I don't finish it. Done. I realize that's a bit of a waste, but I refuse to waste calories on food that doesn't taste good. I want to love what I'm eating. And if I don't, forget it. I'm not going to finish it. It's a great habit to get into, and forces me to give greater thought to what I'm putting in my mouth.

I did okay at the party. Had a little too many calories later, but I am still okay. I've had a pretty good few days. If I can hold out through the wedding tomorrow I'll be in great shape. For calories anyway. Struggling with my exercise. Feeling lazy and unmotivated. My morning walking partner has a serious injury. Something called anterior tibula tendinitis - a big deal. So she is out for a while. And I have to believe God is forcing my hand and making me self-reliant. Again. So I'm going to try and get busy. Tomorrow is probably out because the wedding and travel time will eat up my whole day, but Monday is the beginning of a new week. I just have to do it.

So tonight as I lay my head down, I just say "Thank you Lord, for the progress I have made. Thanks for the great fish today, too. And Lord, I just ask you to please stand by me, smack me with your staff to keep me on track with my weight loss program, because I'm really just a stupid sheep. :) Thanks Lord. I trust you. I know you hear me. And I know you want me to be healthy. So thanks."

179.8

2009-06-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

I am sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't even REALIZE how much time had passed since I blogged last. I was shocked when I got on tonight and saw it was last Saturday. I promise I will be more attentive. I don't even know what happened.

My week was crazy busy, but I stayed steady-on. I am so happy I did. It was really worth the pain. I am in the SEVENTIES!!!! Did you see that? This morning I got on the scale and had no expectation of any change. I thought I was going to hang right around that 182 mark. Not because I over-ate. In fact, for no reason at all, other than I have become accustomed to those 80's (which one of my anonymous commenters definitely pegged me on!). I about died when I saw the 7. Nearly fainted dead away. (I've always wanted to use that expression. The chance doesn't come up too often.) But I didn't faint, which is good because I would have cracked my head open or something. :)

I got back on track in a big way this week. It didn't start that way. I went to a graduation party Saturday that was serving hot dogs. Bad, bad, bad. I ate two! With a bun! And I sampled the bars. Four times. And I had wine. Several glasses. NOT a good thing. Obviously. So Monday rolled around and I had another case of the "glues." That's when your fat is stuck to you like glue and never plans to come off because you keep feeding the monster that makes it grow and dimple and look so attractive under your skin. Yep. The glues.

And then I turned it all around. I have to tell you that this is mostly due to my mother. The woman never swears. You knew you were in big trouble as a kid if she said "goll dammit." So I laughed and chuckled to myself for nearly an hour after I talked to her on the phone Monday afternoon and she said: "Now, you get back on that damn diet!" Okay. I will. Okay? And I did. I always listen to my mother. Hahaha. And she's always right. And I'm in the 70's to prove it!!!

Still getting in the walks, but have added a bit of running. Ran about 2 miles last Sunday. And again tonight. I was kinda tired though, so I ran 1.5 miles and walked 1 mile. Then I cycled for five, so I got in a pretty good hour. I was sweating it up good. Must've been pretty red too, because I got "the look" from another runner. You know? The one that wonders if you are about to have a heart attack and fly off the back of it? Ya, that one. Oh welllllllll.

AND! And, and, and! The ice is going back in at the rink this week. I'm going to be able to skate again by next Wednesday. I am very excited about that! Yes I am. Burns TONS of calories. Tons.

So, that's the scoopage. I'm not quite finished with all of the summer events and revelry yet. Have 3 graduation parties and a wedding this weekend. But I am very motivated right now, and can't wait to get into lower 70's. It's like how I felt when I hit the 90's. The further I got from 200 the happier I was. Not sure why that's true in the 70's but it is. I'm more motivated than I've been in a long time. So you all must be praying for me. Don't stop! He's listening!

I'm over and out here. Have to make one more trip out tonight and I am wiped! Thank you, thank you for supporting me. Thanks for the hits and checking. I'm good. And getting better. We all are. Goodnight friends. Sleep well.

P.S. to my the first anonymous blogger from my last post -- VERY interesting analogy. And it raises interesting possibilities about my body response to sugar. I'm going to play Inspector Clouseau on that . . . so gracias!

181.6

2009-06-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

Whew!!! What a week!!! I was starting to think I was never going to be able to crawl out of that barrel I had crawled in. But alas, I emerged. Just in time for the weekend. Just in time for graduation parties and a wedding shower. All that good food. None of it low-cal. I'm going to have to eat before every one of them if I ever want to see the 170's. But in spite of the food issues, summer parties can be an endless source of fun and entertainment. Not to mention a learning experience. Like what to do when there is no table available to set down your drink. As long as you have a straw, you don't really have to move when you want another sip! Toooo funny!

So anywhooo, I started my week at a high number, but kind of thought it was easy, quick-on/quick-off water weight. Boy was I wrong. I took off 1/2 pound, then another, but it hung on for dear life. I was pretty surprised, but it was a great wake up call too. You just can't mess around with your metabolism like that. And let me tell you, from an emotional standpoint it is NOT worth the aggravation.

There was a huuuuuge UPside to my week though. My sister came to visit this week. She is a shopper, that one. Has impeccable taste. I always tell people that I go "shopping in my sister's closet" because she has great clothes and lots of extras. Hah! Anyway, she brought along a box of pants for me. Capris, jeans, slacks. Cute stuff!!! ALL size -- da, da, da, da -- 14! We had a "try it on" marathon. I was completely bowled over. THEY FIT!!!! Okay, well MOST of them fit. A few need a few-to-five pounds and then they will, but the majority fit and fit well. I was shocked. I don't really understand what happened. I sort of skipped right by the 16's and went to the 14's. Ecstatic. That's what I was. And I showered up and put on a pair of my shiny new 14 jeans and headed out to a friend's for dinner.

Now I don't really think pride is such a good thing. I actually think it can be quite harmful to ones self and to others. But right now I am pretty proud of myself. Self-satisfied, but not smug. And today I put on yet another pair of these fancy new jeans - a pair with sparkly pockets. I stood in front of the mirror for 10 minutes. I had grown so accustomed to bumps and humps and rolls I didn't recognize my own figure. When did THAT happen????? OH! And my mom sent me two pictures - a "before and after." LOOOOOVED seeing those. There I was - the old me. Almost 50 pounds lighter than I was at Christmas. What a great feeling. So much better than a piece of banana cream cheese cake. . . . I think. Hahaha.

So me and my sparkly butt are off to graduation parties. Pray that I can govern my food intake a little better this weekend. God bless and stay safe!!!

Ow -wow- ow

2009-06-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello, hello! I know I've been MIA, and I'm sorry about that. There are not enough hours in the day lately to fit in everything I want to do. I'm up by 6:20 every morning and basically FALL into bed at night. Then it's deep REM - at least until I have to get up and go to the bathroom, anyway. Haha!

My exercise has become an ESSENTIAL element in my day, but I have worked so doggone hard with other stuff this week, my muscles are dead tonight. I could hardly walk by the end of the day today. Not kidding. Hardly walk. I planted flowers yesterday and cleaned out all of my gardens. I think I did no short of 1,000 squats, and I am here to tell you that my hamstrings and glutes are killing me. Seriously. Killing me. The day before I cleaned my garage and my yard. And on top of these massive tasks, I walked my usual 4-6 miles. Yea. Dead.

Unfortunately for me, I had a horrible, horrible food weekend. That would be what I call the "graduation fare." Nothing low-cal but fruit and/or veggies. The rest is yummy, but fattening. And then I went out to dinner on Sunday night and drank wine. A bunch. So by Monday morning my weight had popped back up to 185. A complete waste of two weeks of hard work.

So I tried to get my eating back on track right away on Monday. I am finding that as my weight drops, the struggle to stay under my daily calorie budget is tougher. My daily budget is 27 x my current weight. That's what I can eat in calories if I want to lose 2 pounds a week. So right now I'm at about 1200 - which is of course what I have been eating since the beginning. So why is it harder than it was the first 6 months? I don't know. I don't have an answer. I seem to be hungry MUCH more than I was in those first months. I'm sure it's partly because I am more active, but that doesn't seem to be enough of a reason. So if someone out there understands this, let me know.

In the meantime, I am going to keep plugging away at it. Fight the good fight. And this morning I had dropped to 183.8 again. Not 181.8, but not 185 either. So yay me! Progress is progress. Even if it means coming out of a backslide.

So that's my scoop today. Not the most fabulous update, but not the worst either. I'll take it. I can handle it. :) So I am off to bed now. Hungry, but not planning any late night binge. Gotta stay the course. You all too. God love y'all. Cuz I know I do! I promise I'll be back soon! Saaamooooch!

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

2009-05-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

So apparently I do NOT know about all things "fat." I thought I was familiar with every possible term- cute, derogatory or otherwise. But I learned a new one today. Incredible. Can you say "muffin top"? I am absolutely stunned that I have never heard that term. Strangely enough, my sis-in-law asked me over the weekend whether I knew what it meant. So when it showed up again in a comment yesterday, I googled it. And here it is: muffin tops are the rolls of fat that blob over pants or shorts that are too tight at the waistband, or stick out between the waistband and a shirt that exposes the middriff. The billowing effect looks like the top of a muffin. Voila! Is that hysterical???? Oh yea -- I know the muffin man. He used to live in my closet! Hahaha!

Alright with that little piece of trivia out of the way we can move on to more important things. Like the fact that I was down to 181.8 this morning. I seriously almost fainted. I don't think I have done the bathroom scale dance for a looong time, but I was so shocked to see such a low number, I did it this morning. And then the joy, joy, joy set in. Woohoo!!!!

I didn't work out at all yesterday. I was whipped and had one of my horrible headaches. My morning walking partner couldn't get out this morning, and although we planned to meet later in the day, I didn't feel super, so I slept a bit and passed. And then the guilt set in. So I ended up heading to the gym at the end of the day. I hopped on the treadmill and after 1/10 of a mile started to run. One mile passed, I felt great. Two miles, great. Three miles, sweaty but great. I could have gone on and on, but I HAD to get off to get little people home. Booooo! I used to run quite a bit, but always seemed to tire quickly. It was the furthest I have run - ever. And the euphoric feeling it gave me was incomparable.

To make matters even better, there was a guy running next to me. Probably about my age. And while my face was beat red, my hair soaked and my face and chest were all sweaty, THAT guy looked like he had just been hosed down. He was completely covered in sweat. lol. Not marine-corp-Ken with glistening skin. We're talking soaking wet. I've seen my sweaty match I guess!!!!

Lots going on today. Lots of good stuff. I am just happy, happy, happy. And of course, I am still motivated. So it's back to walking tomorrow. And of course I'm still hoping to get on my bike this week. Really.

Alright my dear friends, God Bless you, God Bless you. Sleep peacefully and well. And I be back later this week.

Circles

2009-05-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

That's what I am making. Circles. For the last several months it seems. I lose a little, eat, gain a little. And of course this holiday weekend was no different. I hit my 185 last week. Over the weekend I got down to 183.8. I was in heaven! I had tons of family visiting and all of them were up to walking. So walk we did. We walked in the morning, averaging about 4 miles. Then again in the evening, about 2.5 miles. We focused more on content in the evenings though. We hit the stairs and the hills big time! Huffin' and puffin' for about 40 minutes.

By yesterday - you know, my usual day of rest - I was exhausted. We walked 4 miles in the morning, but my legs were dead tired. And then we had the typical Memorial Weekend family food - hamburgers, hotdogs, salad, chips, fruit. And ice-cream. Yea. Yummy, creamy ice-cream. With strawberries or brownies or whatever.

Now I am not one who gives in to temptation much anymore. I have singular days where I look for sweets and throw the whole plan out the window. They're getting fewer and further between, but I still have them. And of course yesterday I fell right in. I had the salad and veggies and organic hot dogs at 70 calories each. GREAT stuff. If I had walked away I would have been just fine. Sadly, someone has to clean up. And the longer I was there, the better it looked. And I ate vanilla ice-cream with strawberries. Worse, I went back later for a butter pecan ice-cream cone. NOT good. I was back up to 185 today. Expected that or worse, so I am okay.

Got up and walked this morning - about 3 miles in some seriously windy weather. I am tired today. I have a sugar hangover, but I don't feel too terrible. I am going to have days like this the rest of my life. I just have to keep coming back to "normal" when I do. Normal has to be the healthy food and exercise that I have begun. And right now it is. So I'm okay. Besides, I am down 4o pounds from where I started. 40. That's amazing. I lifted a 40 lb. bag of water softener salt and could hardly hold it up - and yet I lugged that same weight for almost 3 years. Eee gadz!!! So that's me in corner there. Hah!

I have a busy week again this week. It will keep me on my feet and keep my focused. I would LOVE to see the 170's soon. What a great milestone that will be for me. In the meantime, you all keep praying for me, and I'll pray for you. And I'll keep losing and walking and walking and losing. Oh! And I hope to get on my bike this week too (still haven't done that yet)!

There it is folks. Have a beautiful day!

185

2009-05-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

I am averaging -- when I'm really on, anyway -- a 2 pound loss per week. Not as much as I'd like, but at least its coming off. If there is one single most important lesson I have learned from watching The Biggest Loser its this: you CAN'T control how much weight you body is going to shed from day to day, week to week. What you CAN control is what you put in your mouth and what your level of physical activity will be. If your calories are less than the amount of energy you've expended, the weight will come off. Absolutely. It's simply a matter of time. However, other factors affect weight loss, and can preclude any large and/or consistent losses. Stress, body cycles, hormones . . . there are lots of extras out there.

So each time I get on the scale I hope I'll see some big, huge, sudden dip. But it never comes. It comes in 1/10's! Oh well. Down, down baby. Down, down. And at the rate I am going, I will see 140 in approximately 21 weeks. That puts me at about mid-October. Waaaaayyyyyy far away. I can't stand the thought of it. But I don't have a choice, so I will just have to deal with that, and hope for the best.

In the meantime, I will keep walking and working out. And as I come into the beginning of summer, I am thrilled to see the fruit stands starting to pop up around town. Fresh fruit and veggies - I LOVE it! And right now I fill small baggies with fruit or with veggies and an individual-sized dip and keep them in my fridge for spontaneous eating. Perfect. 150 calories for the veggies and dip and 75 for the fruit. It's handy and easy and keeps me from reaching for something less healthy. You should try it. . . . I promise you will love it.

Busy weekend ahead with lots of company but I am really looking forward to it. Gets lonely in God's country in the winter months. Now all I have to do is avoid the usual picnic foods and stay with my better alternatives. I'll let you know how that goes! God knows I love a good hot dog, and the grilling and campfire season create all-new temptations. :)

So I'm off to bed. Fighting off a sore throat so I'm extra tired tonight. Hope I can sleep. Zzzzzz.....

Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

2009-05-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

That's the story for this week. You lose, you gain, you lose again. So, so, ridiculous. One little cake donut and my sugar levels go completely berserk! More sugar. More insanity. This weekend my body waged a full-out mutiny against anything healthy. I managed to get through part of Saturday pretty well, but then pretty much gave in to whatever junk food was around. And if you have been following my blog, you know that this isn't like me at all! My big splurges are too many Multigrain cheerios, or almonds, or maybe a little extra peanut butter on my rice cakes. But sugar, sugar, and more sugar -- that hasn't happened to me since last December.

The end result, of course, was a weight gain. My weight popped back up to 189.2 on Sunday morning!!! I was so ticked and disappointed in myself. I did what I could as far as damage control on Sunday, but was dealing with body-rebellion at every level. No exercise on Friday, Saturday OR Sunday. So I controlled my caloric intake and tried not to be too hard on myself over the mess-up

Obviously I couldn't let it the number go . . . so it was back on the scale bright and early this morning. And God is good. I had a better day today. I was back down. Not to 186.6, where I had been safely resting for the last week. But it was down. I was at 187.2. I'm 1/2 pound away from where I was last week, but I'm also completely back on track again today. I walked a LOT today - about 4 miles this morning and another 3 throughout the day. And my calories were at 1,196. I'm okay with that. I'll see how it looks tomorrow on the scale -- because we all know I'm not going to be able to stay off of that sucker :)

So I may have fallen down the rabbit hole with Alice over the weekend, but today I feel like I am in a much better place. Back on track, ready to go. Ready to shed another layer of fat. Yes, I am. It's gotta go. I won't stop until it does. One pound at a time. So there.

Sleep well my friends. I'm back at it tomorrow, and I'll report how it goes. God Bless!

Shake It Up Baby

2009-05-16T12:10:00.000-07:00

I need it. A shake up, I mean. I am in a slump. I feel like I could use a jump-start or a jolt or something. Oh sure, I'm plugging along. My weight is stuck at 186.6. It's been there for days. Someone told me to try and cut back on carbs and focus more on other items, but I haven't had the gumption to get into that yet. Gumption. (What a funny word. I like it though.)

Anyway, my morning walking partner is in NY (lucky, lucky), so I've been slacking all week. I got in a great workout on Wednesday. Rigorous. Outside. Up and down hills, running and walking combined. Reeaaaallllly good. And that was the end of it. Other than cleaning out every single closet in my household -a huge task all in itself - I didn't get out and exercise. I got a lot done, no question, but not enough physical activity. No cardio for two days in a row. And I have NO motivation to get out there today, either. It's cold and windy and I don't relish the thought of it. To add insult to injury, my treadmill went kaput. Just died, or shorted, or quit or something. So odd. Same thing happened to my bro this week.

Anyway, it's not looking too good. I need something. Like Jillian Michaels or Bob Harper from the Biggest Loser. That'd would be awesome!!! I do want to try the Jillian Michaels workout. I heard it is great. I just don't know that I would actually do it once I had it here. Boo! But the saving grace is that my mom and sis are coming tomorrow. AND my friend comes back. She's a lot like my sister. A bit of a drill sargent. So I can get back on the horse on Monday. In the meantime, I just have to avoid those cake donuts on top of my fridge. lol. They look mighty good! And I really haven't craved sweet junk like that for a long time. So I'm a little surprised by this. Hmmm....

Alright, so I am going to hang out and read today. One of my favorite little hobbies. That or I'm going to head into town, hit confession and have a fresh new perspective tomorrow. Ahhh, motivation and vigor! Where hast thou gone? :) I'll be back tomorrow or Monday! Have a spectacular day.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

2009-05-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about reminiscing. No, no, no. I mean I literally tripped down memory lane. I completely forgot to give you the other part of my weight loss news when I reported that I had hit 186.6. DUH!!!!

Okay, so here it is: not only did I hit that beautiful number (which I have stayed at, by the way), but when I went to my weight loss challenge I was down another 2 1/4 inches. Since the middle of January, that brings the inches I have lost to a grand total of 38! Thirty eight. THIRTY 8! Off of my chest, stomach, hips, thighs and upper arms. Incredible. That's the circumference of another whole person! Oh my goodness. Yay me!!!!!!

I used to think that I could set all sorts of goals for my weight loss. You know - 10 pounds in a month, or 2 or 3 pounds in a week. As I continue my journey today, my goal is 1 pound. That's what I want to see on the scale when I get on -- that I've lost one pound. I don't look for 2 or 3 or 5. I look for just that single one. Oh yea, I definitely want to lose a specific number of "ones" over a period of time. I want to lose another 40 pounds. But my GOAL is to lose one. And then another one. And then another one. Until I reach a number I am comfortable with.

I know that it's a better idea to focus on measurements, but I can say with 100% certainty that my measurements won't be anything to write about until my scale numbers are lower. That's just how I'm built. Some people fit into a size 14 at 185 pounds. I'm in a 16. I won't be in a 12 until I'm at least 163-64. A little depressing, but c'est la vie. It is what it is. And I can deal with that. I knew that when I started. Okay well I forgot that fact for a minute, but my struggle with those doggone 18's was a quick reminder.

So tomorrow is another day. Another beginning. Another chance to drop a pound. And I'm up for the challenge. I'm in the groove. I've got my mind made up. Vroom, vroooommm! :)

So there's the other piece. Sorry about the brain fade. My body parts take turns experiencing fatigue. lol. I'm off to bed. The three hour Biggest Loser finale was exhausting. :) God bless you all. Sleep tight.

Weekend Madness

2009-05-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

Seriously. Weekends are the pits when it comes to staying on track. And this one was no different. I ate too much bread- even if it was whole grain. And yesterday, Mother's Day, I skipped going out for Mexican. Instead I had . . . da, da, da, daaaaa. . . . 6 . . . yes 6 Oreo cookies. Had a glass of 2% milk to go with it. The caloric equivalent of a meal. 6 x 56 + 120 = Mmmm, mmmm good! (Did you really expect me to say "yuk"?). The downside, of course, was that I knew with all certainty that I was going to be up a pound today, so I stayed off the scale. That act all by itself is a miracle. lol. Haha.

So I got my little binge out of the way and got right back on the horse today. I definitely made up for my weekend infidelity in both exercise and eating. Walked almost 6 miles this morning, then another 3 1/2 through the course of the day. Sorted mounds and mounds of laundry and got 1/2 way through getting that washed and dried. Then I dug into a couple of other back-burner projects. All in all I'd say I burned quite a few calories. And my Lose It program on my iphone allots 89 calories to every 30 minutes of house cleaning. Who knew???

My food included two protein shakes as my meal substitutes. I should note here that I rarely skip regular meals for shakes. Normally my shakes are my snacks. But ridiculous binging calls for ridiculous measures -- at least for the day, anyway. Besides, the shakes are super-filling and oh, so tasty. The first, which I had at the shake shop, was sinfully good. White chocolate raspberry. 200 calories, 24 grams of protein, utterly fabulous. I made another one at home later. A chocolate one with extra protein (bringing the total to 34 grams). Added a banana and some strawberries to make it taste like a banana split. 300 calories. Oh yea. Life isn't bad on chubby train after all! Hah!

And can I just share with you that I COMPLETELY splurged while shopping last Friday? I did. I bought a new blender. I know you thought I was going to say shoes or something, right? Well, my blender burned out. A $30.00 job that wasn't meant for twice-daily use. So I got a new one. Over the top. A $150.00 Kitchen-Aid that was on sale for $119.00. I felt guilty, guilty, guilty. And then I made my first shake with it. Smmooooooth. Sooooo worth it! Bye-bye guilt. :)

As for the shoes . . . well, for right now I have to settle for the walking shoes I just bought. No choice. My feet shrunk. A 1/2 size. How weird is that??? I mean, were my feet these big pink puffy things or what? Must have been to some degree, because my size 9'ers were suddenly way too big. I'm down to and 8 1/2. Not sure if that's going to keep shrinking, so I won't be parting with my cash for new stilettos anytime soon. Besides, those spike heels canNOT handle my 186 pounds. Those suckers are meant for girly girls who wear a size 6 and have some measure of balance. Yes they are. Yes, they are. Okay - in MY world they are. Remember, I live out in the country; not in a big metropolitan area where "anything goes." Out here, I'd look like Dressed-Up Bessie, headin' off to the VFW for karaoke night. Hahaha. Okay well maybe not THAT bad, but it might be a little scary to see just yet. I'll keep you updated. :)

Alright folks, I need to keep folding all that laundry or it's going to need ironing (and forget that!). You all have a wonderful evening. Peace and Blessings.

P.S. This could easily be my "before" picture. Don't ya love it???

186.6

2009-05-07T19:11:00.000-07:00

Woop, woop, woop!!! I have hit a magic number in my weight loss world. I would love to say "there are no words" but we aaaall know I'm far too long-winded for that. Haha! This was a big day for me today. I have kept my calories at a steady 1300 or less, and I've kept up with my exercise, so I had hoped to see my number go down, but seeing a 186 at the front end was over the top for me. And from my perspective, this is the direct result of your prayers. I am completely and utterly convinced of it. Wow.

I have not weighed in at the 186 mark for almost three years. Doesn't seem like that long ago, but it felt like an eternity. When your life shuts down, when you stop going out, when you don't want anyone to see you, ever, life can feel pretty slow and miserable. But the sun has come out, my friends. And let me add here that I am sooooo grateful for your amazing comments and your prayers. I could never articulate how much they mean to me. So thank you. Thank you, thank you!

And tomorrow is another new day. Still struggling a bit with the knee. I'm not sure what that's all about, but that's okay. I bought a brace, load up on the ibuprofen, ice it at night and that seems to keep me on track. I am averaging about 6 miles of walking each day. Of that amount, at least 4 are in "exercise" mode - an hour or so that I get in a walk that's quick enough to be considered "cardio." This morning brought back fond memories of my first few trips to the gym. I was sweating like a pig, and my face was as red as a beet. It's been a while since I've sweated like that. Even the back of my hands were wet!! Good gravy! It was a little unsettling. But I figure I am sweating out all sorts of horrible toxins, so it's just fine. Yes indeedy. :)

Well I'm headed into the weekend and I am in a much better place emotionally than I was a week ago. A few little lemondrops this week, and I sooo needed them. I always say that if God gave out treats, they'd be lemon drops. Sweet and sour, small, but strong and long-lasting. My weight this morning was like a whole handful of lemon drops. And praise God for that!

So. There it is. The latest and greatest. Well there's one more little . . . well okay big thing . . . but I think I will save that for tomorrow. :) Sleep well my friends. And God Bless.

Dang!

2009-05-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

I am so, so, soooo tired. Last week was pretty drama-filled, and I had hoped it was over. But alas, it begins again. I know life is cyclical. Ups, downs, circles. And I am obviously on a low cycle. The kind where everything goes wrong. Not a Murphy's law kind of wrong. I'm talking about the stressful stuff that you can't control, or fix. The same stuff that makes every carb you eat go straight to your rear-end or hips and stick there. The kind that keeps the weight from coming off. The kind that makes you rationalize that the bread and chocolate you're stuffing into your mouth are healthy. Yep. That kind.

Interesting how stress can sabotage weight loss. I don't know exactly how it works with hormones in the body. I just know it makes a difference. And here's the answer: I have to either get rid of the stress altogether, or try and work off the stress through exercise. Since the former is not possible, the latter has to be my course of action. And I've been doing okay with that.

I walked 5 1/2 miles on Friday and swam Friday night. I walked 3 miles on the bike trail Saturday morning, then another 2 through the course of the day. Yesterday was my day of rest, and I needed it because my left knee has been giving me a little trouble. Today I got in another 6 miles. Yay for me! Awesome, right? WRONG!!! My body clung to weight over the weekend. I ate a little too much I suppose. I split a burger and had some nachos on Saturday night. And Sunday I probably had a few too many pretzels. I just don't believe it was enough to make me GAIN. And that's exactly what happened. I gained a pound.

I am sure you can imagine the scene in my bathroom this morning. Get on the scale. Get off. No way. Get on. And then slowly a blood-curdling scream forms in the pit of my stomach, makes its way slowly up my windpipe and hurls out from the back of my throat. Arrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!! I'm in the 90's again!!!!!! Okay. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. And then . . . I had to get my head together.

I spent the whole day telling myself it would be okay. My head says one thing, my emotions another. And I'm tired. And I get pelted throughout the day with more stresses that I can't control. But here I am, at the end of the day, and I finally have some peace. Pick myself up by the bootstraps and keep on. Stick with it. Stay the course. And it's going to be fine. And thank God for the progress I have made so far. And pray that this time is just a blip. A weird sort of plateau. And I will keep praying. Praying for peace, for relief from the stressors, for strength to deal with them, and for continued success in losing weight. And if you happen to be saying prayers yourself, would you mind putting an extra one out there for me? I could use it.

Peace.

189.2

2009-05-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

Dang, I LOVE a good number on the scale in the morning! Oh sure, I wish it had come a week sooner, but it's May 1st and I am below 190. Yahoo! I am thrilled. And I can't wait to keep backing down.

Interesting how certain numbers stick in my mind from when I was gaining weight. 167 and 186 are two big ones. After that it's 204, 211, and then . . . well, you get the picture. So 186 is a huge milestone. It seems to me that I was at that number for quite a while. It also seems to me that I went from 167 to 186 within four months. Pretty scary. And for whatever reason, I feel as though my weight loss will suddenly take on a new level of legitimacy when I get below that number. Silly, I know.

You know what else? I am pretty patient for the most part, but I wish, I wish, I wish the weight would come off sooner. I realize it's coming off pretty fast -- 35 pounds in 4 months. But part of me wants to fast forward to July and be another 20 pounds lighter. I have to really "busta move" to do it, but I want to shoot for 10 pounds of loss in May and 10 pounds in June. I'm going to have to kick it into high gear to do this, but I honestly think it's possible. And I may not be able to wear a bikini like Valeri Bertinelli or the two lovely ladies shown here, but that's never been my goal anyway. I just want to be in a lower range. Hah! Don't we all? :) In the meantime . . .

I walk, walk, walked this morning. 5 miles. I got in a total of 8 miles total today. Then I swam for an hour. Add to that my spectacular less than 1300 calorie day and I am sitting pretty. WITH my legs crossed, I might add. A definite perk when you come from a weight that makes crossing your legs practically impossible.

Tomorrow is suppose to be nice. I am so anxious to get on my bike I can hardly stand it. So maybe this weekend. Walking for sure, maybe a swim too. So if I can keep my eating under control then I am right as rain. Yes I am. Right as rain. Whatever that means. lol.

Well that's my story today gang. Hope you are all skinnier on this lovely Friday than you were a week ago. Hang in there with me. We're getting there. And have a great weekend.

Oscar Mayer Has A Way

2009-04-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

. . . with b.o.l.o.g.n.a! I've always loved that little tune. And there are plenty of other little ditties that I love to sing along with. I don't really wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, but I love singing about it. All of my favorite foods have the best commercial jingles. Oreo? Oh yea. "O, O, O, ice cold milk and an Oreo cookie. They forever go together in a classic combination." I know it's odd, but some of my favorite commercials are the ones for food! Crazy!

Well, this all comes up after a sloooooowwwww start to the week in terms of my weight loss. I was exercising like gangbusters last week and it put my weight down at 189+. Sadly, I let myself down for the next couple of days and shot right back up again. So I'm steady as she goes at 190.2 -- and hoping to get below 190 and stay there for good by the end of the week.

My overeating right now is an extra large bowl of Cheerios, string cheese, maybe too many pretzels. It's not BAD food. It's just too much of it. Too many calories. Period. But honestly, all day Sunday I just kept thinking, "sometimes a girl's just gotta have a bologna sandwich." I didn't, but boy oh boy did I want to! Or a hot dog. Or something Oscar Mayer! Add to that my lack of motivation to exercise on Sunday and Monday, and it equals ZERO progress. I'm not beating myself up over this. I am disappointed, but not enough to give up. Besides, you know me. I am not exactly Motivated Mindy when it comes to busting my butt doing exercise. If there's an excuse to get out of it, I'm all in. Lol.

So okay - back to the reality today. I made some egg salad and had some of that. Tasty, tasty! And of course my protein shakes, almonds for a snack. I also made some chicken vegetable soup that's reaaaalllly good. So I had that too. And I walked. Twice! Once for an hour with a couple of friends and later by myself for about 40 minutes. Pattin' myself on the back for that one. And of course it pushes me forward to where I need and want to be. And perhaps, just perhaps, I will see results by the end of the week -- which is also the first of May. WOW!!!! May already. I can hardly believe it. The time just flew by. And September 1st is going to come just as fast. So I have to keep working. Stay focused. Move forward.

Today I am just so thankful to God for the grace of how far I've come. I pray for the continued help to keep going. And I pray for all of you -- that you meet any goals you have too. Ya. All of us together. Amen to that, eh??? I'm off to bed. Back again soon . . . .

P.S. Those Oreos up there? I DON"T want those. 56 calories each. Totally fat-filled. YUK! I used to love 'em. Not any more. Just thought you should know! :)

Lucky Me

2009-04-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering if I am starting to get a little obsessive about the size of my jeans. Ya think? I don't mean how big they are. We already know they're huge! lol. I'm talking about the size number on the inside of the tag. People keep telling me that the number isn't what counts. Same as the scale. I've been told over and and over that the scale number isn't important. Well, I beg to differ on BOTH of the points. They matter to me. A LOT!

Today I put on a pair of jeans that are size 16. They were very tight. Too tight for me to wear around anyway. And it's the same pair I try on every time I want to see if I've finally hit that magic size. And then I had a scathingly brilliant idea. Try a different pair. So I did. And guess what??? They fit perfectly!!! And so did all of my other 16's. So I'm thinking that the first pair I tried are some bizarre anomaly. Don't know for sure. Don't care. I put them on my pile of 14's for another day.

Okay so I already know I'm old. I'm not interested in trying to dress like some hottie fresh out of college. But I dooooo like jeans. Wear them all the time. They're my first choice -- always. The day I put on a pair of pink twill slacks is the day someone needs to whisk me to the doctor's office for anti-psychotic medication.

I definitely have favorites in brands too. My all-time favorite for both comfort and look are Diesel. You can only get them in a few locations nationwide. N.Y., Chicago, Orlando, LA and Vegas. They are seriously the most comfortable jeans I have ever owned. Sadly, I haven't fit into a pair for at least 5 years. I can't WAIT to go to Vegas and get a pair. By that time I will even be able to pull a size right from the rack. No sales clerk to smirk and sneak a HUGE pair from the store room. Hahaha. Oh yea. That's happened before. Sooo . . . . character building. :)

Coming in a very close second are my Lucky You jeans. Lucky for me, they are super comfortable and there's a fairly decent selection of styles. I don't HAVE to buy the ones that nearly expose my lower . . . uh . . . ab muscles. Yea. Ab muscles. And I bought a pair of white ones just before I gained all this weight. They're a size 12 and I cannot wait until I can wear them. I am really, really hoping to put them on by August. Pretty aggressive, but I want it bad.

I have quite a few size 12's waiting for me. Thankfully they're still in style and I won't feel like the waist band comes up to my ribs. And for those of you still wearing that style, have someone take a picture of your butt. Adds YARDS to it. You think you're wearing Levi's, when you're really wearing Leeeeeeeeeeeeeevi's. Get the picture? Goes for you men out there too, so you can chuckle, chuckle all you want. We're all singing the same song. The only thing that has changed from my years past is that all of the jeans have a name. Every style has it's own - like Madison low rise, or Louvely's, or Ashley Mid-rise. So odd. And I still haven't figured out why they're called a "pair" of jeans when there is only one . . . . . . Puzzling.

Anyway, I am off to fold clothes and sort socks. Hate it, but it has to be done. Then I'll swim, since the weather is rainy and cold here. I know we need the rain badly, but I don't have to like it, right? Besides, it's a day of rest. So I hope all of you get some of that today. And relaxation. And peace.

I'm over and out.

190.2

2009-04-24T20:28:00.001-07:00

What a week, what a week! I had more drama in my life this week than a Broadway play. But I got past my early breakdown and got busy with other things. Of course, the drama continued, and actually escalated, but I stayed with my program.

The weather was outstanding, and I got out walking on the local bike trail. Walked with my long-legged friend. She's not intentionally trying to kill me, but I am definitely half dead when we are finished. We walked about 6 miles yesterday AND today. I got new tennies to handle all the stress on my feet, and they worked out pretty well. So I was happy about that. But my feet were soooo tired after our walk today that I had to wear my soft, squishy uggs to the grocery store. Nice.

And I had a friend fill the tires and tune up my bike last night. I didn't get a chance to ride, but took it for a little test run and its all set to go. I am really looking forward to riding on the bike trails. Fortunately for me, my bike seat is a really good one and I will most likely avoid the painful butt bone I normally get when I ride any distance. Hurray for that! Sadly, it's looking like we are going to get rain, and quite possibly snow, over the weekend. Booooo! I'm ready to roll and that will keep me from it. :)

Might be just as well though. I'm feeling a wee bit funky tonight. I reeeaaaallllly hope I'm not getting the stomach flu, but I feel a teensy bit nauseous. I thought maybe I just didn't get enough to eat today, so I tried to figure out what I should have to eat. I finally settled for my latest happy meal - multigrain cheerios. Love 'em. 110 calories plus soy milk. Filling but not heavy. Perfect. Especially at night. Cripe I feel like a spokesperson for General Mills. Haha.

Well anyway, I need to get some sleep. Hopefully I won't wake up sick. Pray, pray, pray. I do NOT want that. Not at all. And as for you, I hope you sleep peacefully and I hope you get to sleep in tomorrow -- if you want to, that is. I love Saturdays! God Bless.

Back in the Game

2009-04-22T20:24:00.001-07:00

Well after a pretty off-kilter start to the week, I have settled back in to the rhythm of life as a loser. lol. I got going right away this morning and walked 4 1/2 miles. I forgot my new and funky pedometer at home, which really ticked me off because I love that little thing and seeing those numbers go higher and higher during the day. I am averaging about 8900 steps each day, but one day last week hit almost 19,000. That was pretty cool to see.

Anyway, I got in a super walk, and put in an additional 2 1/2 throughout the rest of the day. I also got back in the pool for an hour. And of course that feels like easy exercise to me. It's not - it just feels that way, so I'm always ready to top off my day with that. My skin takes a beating from the chlorine, but I can deal with that. Plus, some friends gave me the gift of some great repair cream for my face. It's fabulous! Regenerix by Oil of Olay. LOVE it (and them)!

So tomorrow is my weekly weigh-in for the spring Weight Loss Challenge. I don't expect to be down any, particularly in light of my crazy binge the other day. But I'm good with that. I am just happy to be back on track so quickly. Ate right all day. I made some outstanding chicken on the grill tonight. Marinated skinless breasts in Italian dressing all day. Discard the dressing, grill the chicken. Sooooo tasty. I love having it in my fridge for a quick protein meal -- either wrapped in leaf lettuce, in a low cal tortilla, or in pita bread. About 200 calories and very filling. Good stuff!

Alrighty then. I HAVE to go to bed. I am so tired. But I wanted you to know I am doing great today. I'm back. I'm eating right. I'm exercising. Tomorrow is another shot at a loss, and I'll take it. So off to beddy-bye for me. Good night all. And thanks for your support. Sweet dreams.

193

2009-04-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

Well that's it. I have managed to stay the same weight for one full week. I imagine it must be a longer - by a few days at least. I hate that. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Oh sure, I know it's my own fault. But that doesn't change how much I hate it.

So here's the deal: I didn't abandon you for a week. I have a good excuse for being gone so long. And for the unchanging weight. I lost my Grandma last Thursday night. I am not going to load you up with all sorts of details. I'm simply going to say that losing her, coupled with an excruciating migraine headache on Saturday, kept me from exercising and from healthy eating for four days. Bugger!

What is it about emotions that makes us overeat? Why does anger, depression, sorrow, loneliness --- name your affliction -- give us "permission" to binge? It's so odd. I wish I understood the connection between feelings and food. And to think I used to believe I wasn't an emotional eater. Ah . . . wrong!!! I'm a joke when it comes to sudden and unexpected emotions. I get specific cravings. High calorie ones. And that's the interesting part. I don't experience hunger. I experience a desire for a specific taste in my mouth, like chocolate or other sugary treats, macaroni and cheese, deep dish pizza. It has absolutely nothing to do with being hungry.

So yesterday I was driving back from the funeral. My first mistake was putting left-over food in my trunk. My second was stopping my car. But that was the emotional part. I pulled over at a rest area to get rid of the tears that had plagued me the whole weekend. Next thing I know the trunk is open, food is out. I'm sitting in the driver's seat with tears streaming down my face eating 7 layer bars and BBQ potato chips. lol. Thank God the Rest Area was empty. I am quite sure some good Samaritan would have knocked on my window to ask if I was okay. Yup. Unfortunately though, that little food fest caused a spike in my blood sugar later, and I continued to indulge myself.

It would be one thing if I finished all of this overeating and felt great. But I don't. Ever. I always feel worse. And puffy. And bloated, because I didn't drink the water I needed to in order to flush it out. Ugh! It's torture. Self-inflicted. BUT, until I can stop any unexpected emotional trauma in my life, I have to just work through it and plow ahead. So although I suffered through a bit of withdrawal today, I am back on my proverbial horse. I ate pretty well, got in the pool tonight, and I am walking first thing tomorrow morning. So maybe my weight will be down a bit by Friday. We shall see.

In the meantime, I thank God for the food that I DO eat. I am not starving. I am not struggling to put food on my table. And I am grateful for that and all the other gifts He gives me. Tonight I will sleep well knowing that tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. And I'll take it.

Sleep well all. God bless.

193

2009-04-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

Cellulite. It's what I am made of. :( My legs are all about that. I know that the only way to get rid of it is to tone, build muscle, and tone some more. But I must say, I have become somewhat accustomed seeing it. I keep waiting for some incredible breakthrough that addresses that issue, but alas, I don't think that will happen in my lifetime. In fact, I don't imagine it will happen until it becomes the affliction of 1 in 3 men instead of just women. Boo hoo for those of us who have it though. We'll just have to keep hitting those weights. And that's not the worst thing, right? Burns more calories too. I have to look at the bright side. Life is good. Life is very good.

And what an amazing day God provided for me today. The sun was shining, I woke up motivated and stayed that way. I headed to the rink and skated for an hour. After that I walked with my friend to get a protein shake - a little less than a mile each way. And we had to climb under a fence to get there. Under. Not over. The top was barbed wire. I told my friend she had to go first because if she didn't fit there was no way I would. She did, so I hit the dirt and scooched under. It's been a loooong time since I've had to navigate a fence that way - either over or under. I felt like a little kid. And it lifted my spirits tremendously. Then it was on to the pool for swimming tonight. One hour. Not a killer workout but very good. I am not completely spent, but I am WAY beyond satisfied.

And . . . and, and, and . . . I got a new pedometer yesterday. Little gadgets always thrill me (a strange little aside, I know), but this sucker is super accurate. It won't record bumps or jerks. In fact, it won't record your steps until you have been walking for a least 4 seconds. It resets itself at midnight every night - not so good for you young people out there but it works for me. So I got in 8200 total steps today. That's 4 miles. Woohoo! Vegas, here I come. I can keep a more accurate record of my walked miles, so I'll be getting there a lot sooner than I originally anticipated. Told ya. Life is good. :)

So, tomorrow I'm going to try a spin class. I'm a little worried that it's going to be a killer, but I'm looking forward to it. A little. I'll let you know how it goes. Until tomorrow then, may your guardian angel be one step ahead of you and keep you safe. And as always, may God bless you. Night.

Swimming Myself to Skinny

2009-04-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

The first thing I did when I got home on Sunday was hit the pool. I felt great after an hour of my water aerobics. I always do. Then I walked 3 miles yesterday and for an hour today, but got back in the pool tonight. It's such a fabulous workout and is so easy on the body and the joints. The only downfall is the attire, God help me.

I've been too old to wear a bikini for a long, long time. lol. Styles have changed a lot though, and they now have swim suits that do a good job of covering the rough spots. In fact, they nearly cover your entire body. It's a swimming dress. Seriously. Its a dress that has a swim suit sewn inside. But in my case, the dress part is so flowing and big that when I'm in the water I have to tuck it in to the under part of it so it doesn't look I'm wearing a big deflated inner tube! Hah! So in Florida, one little person in our group told me there was no way I was going to get a tan because my swimming dress covered up too much skin. Jeez! Funny, I know. But it's true. And when a swimming dress gets wet, it weighs nearly a ton. In the ocean I thought the odds were pretty good that the weight of it would drag me down and I'd be sucked in by the undertow. Obviously it never happened, by I'm sure it's by the grace of God alone. :)

Anyway, I am back into the swing of life at home. We brought the sunshine home with us and that is simply thrilling. I love being outside. The wind and sun really do a number on my skin though -- especially my face. If I sweat and the wind dries it my skin feels like sandpaper. So I am open to some recommendations for a good facial hydrating lotion.

Tomorrow I'm going to get back on my scale again. I didn't get on today (honestly!) but two days off and such a long hiatus is just too trying. And I'm also getting back on the ice. They take it out next week and I won't be able to skate again until June, so I'm anxious to do it while I can.

I'll let you know how that all goes. In the meantime, I just want to thank God for making my journey so easy right now. It's all grace, and I don't always deserve it -- which makes me all the more grateful. Yea. So okay -- g'night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

194.2

2009-04-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it????? I actually LOST a pound while on vacation! I can't even THINK of a word that describes my relief. Joy is an inaccurate description. I was genuinely relieved! Pheeewwww!

Vacations are like a little death trap waiting to take you down. They're meant to be all relaxing and wonderful, but then you get back to the real world and it's like being zapped with a taser gun. Hello??? Don't you remember how great your regular life is? Hahaha. And then you play "catch up." But at least I don't have to work backward on my weight. Happy, happy day! And I got the extra added bonus of finding out at my Weight Loss Challenge meeting tonight that I won the 12 week challenge. Oh yea. $145.00 and a big old ego boost richer. I am all in for the next challenge, which starts on Thursday. Whoopie for me!

So I can give you bits and pieces of my amazing Florida vacation over the course of the week. Honestly, God is good. We had a fantastic trip. No blips . . . on the surface anyway. One of our activities was indoor skydiving. Let me tell you, this was a complete and utter adrenaline rush. I love, love, loved it, despite starting out on the wee-bit precarious side. That happens when you become suddenly aware that you have to fit into a one-piece nylon get-up in a place where the signage warns you to let the staff know if you weight more than 225. I'm thinking, "Oh Lord let me squeeze my 195 pounds into one of those ridiculous suits!" And in order to fit me into one that could accommodate my fanny, I ended up with the extra long legs and the very, very, very blousy top section. It could have substituted for a parachute for God's sake! But who cared? The butt fit and I was going flying.

This experience is inside a massive wind tunnel that is powered by jet engines. You step out onto a metal grid and just sort of fall over and let the wind take you. There was a cute little lady in front me -- about a size 4. When her time was up I stepped up to the tunnel door. I could hear the whomp . . .whomp. . .whomp of the engine. Then the operator saw me. Only a moment passed before that engine was doing double time -- whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp . . . Okay, can someone please tell me exactly how many jet engines it takes to make a 200 pound woman airborne? I have NO idea, but it worked and it was, hands down, one of the funnest things I have ever done. I drooled and couldn't stop it, laughed and whooped. It was a lot of work for the little man who was our "flight instructor" but it was sooooo worth it. And if you ever, ever get the chance, I highly recommend trying this.

Despite the fact that I probably didn't burn any calories, the big deal for me is that 3 months ago I probably couldn't have, and definitely wouldn't have tried this. I would have been too self-conscious. So even the 30 I have lost so far have had a huge impact on me. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm on my way. And I'm flying!

I'm off to bed. God bless all of you real good. I hope your Easter was wonderful! See you tomorrow.

P.S. I added the miles that I walked on my trip, plus those I walked today, onto my Vegas walk. :)

Day 5 Without A Scale

2009-04-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe I have gone so long without getting on that little box to check my weight. I am going through withdrawal, but only because I'm not in a place where I can easily gauge how I am doing with my weight. Sound ridiculous? It's not. It is hard to count calories for menu items you're not familiar with. You need to break everything down, and even then you might miss an ingredient in a sauce.

It has been a fabulous trip so far, but our dinners have gotten completely out of hand. Went to downtown Disney the other night. It was beautiful, but jammed with people and there were long waits for a table. We were finally seated at an Italian place at 9:00. GREAT waiter. Slow kitchen. An hour and 1/2 later we were still waiting for our food. Two of the people with us got theirs - personal size margarita pizzas. Cold. Awful. The rest of us would be waiting another 20 minutes, if we stayed, that is. We gave our waiter $30.00 and left. Onward to Mickey D's. I had a hamburger to tide me over, then two bowls of multigrain cheerios when I got home. I was starving! Just one of those things you don't anticipate, so there it was.

Last night we went to Tommy Bahamas. I was really looking forward to baked chicken with asparagas. . . but alas . . . it was not to be. The manager came to my chair with a frown. "All out of chicken." Waaaaaa!!! I settled for tortilla soup and a salad. It was fine, but I went to bed hungry. Not the first time, but that's a bitter pill to swallow after footing a big chunk of change for a dinner bill. Oh well. Maybe tonight will be better.

Okay, so my first few days here were spent walking. The weekend was spent in the water. I didn't walk on Saturday, but I did laps and laps and laps in the pool here. All the skinny travelers watched the big mama. Hah! But you know what? I think I have courage to do what they don't. Exercise regardless of what people think. There's not a doubt in my mind that people could figure out I was trying to get some. And of course the leg lifts near the edge of the pool were a solid give-away. Lol. I didn't care. It was gorgeous and hot and sunny and wonderful.

Yesterday's "exercise" was a little less rigorous but really, really fun. We went body surfing in the ocean. Now that's what I call "resistance" exercise. It isn't possible to stay in one spot. The waves just barrel you over. VERY fun. Even in my big swimming dress. You know . . . the swimming suit that looks like a dress so everyone doesn't have to view my chubby legs. Hahaha. I love the suit. It's perfect for me. But it does look like a dress. :)

Today I got up and moving and walked around the lake. Put in 30 minutes. Now it's time for shopping, and I'll get in a little more walking. Not power walking, but it's not sedentary either. SO. That's the scoop here. I will keep you posted as I can. For today I just thank God for the opportunity to take this wonderful trip. I am so grateful for the break and the warmth and the company. God is good. God bless you all too.

Holding Steady

2009-04-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello! I'm finally able to grab a minute and post here. It's been busy but wonderful. I feel like I'm on another planet here in Florida. I left 2 feet of freshly-fallen snow and landed in green, palm tree-lined Orlando. As I write there are fireworks out against the night sky. Must be from Disneyworld. Crazy what a few hours in the air can change!

Well it has been a relatively easy transition from home to vacation in terms of both eating and exercise. I stayed with my sister in the Twin Cities overnight prior to flying out, and true to form she allowed me no vacation from exercise. The night I drove in, and then again the next morning, we headed out into 30 degree temps to walk. She's like my friend from home -- long legs. So I was huffing and puffing to keep up. But it was definitely worth it. We walked an hour both times out, and probably covered about 3.5 miles each time. Today, our first full day in Orlando, we walked around the lake in front of our vacation condo. Got in about 50 minutes worth. Probably 3 miles after twice around the lake. But tonight I am sore. My knees are pretty achy, so I'm going to say hello to some Aleve and see if that gives me some relief.

My diet has been pretty good too. Got in my protein shakes both yesterday AND today to kick things off. Soup, a banana and some low fat crackers got me through the flight yesterday. Then it was yogurt from Mickey D's and later a roast beef sammy on whole grain bread. Tough beans, though. Didn't get to eat until almost 1:00 in the morning because of flight delays, hotel check-in and then a grocery store run. The saving grace on this trip is that I get to work from a full, lovely kitchen for the next week. Stocked fridge and cupboards and we are good to go! There's even a toaster and a blender here. That means I won't be worried sick over constant temptation or extra calories. A few dinners out won't be too terrible. C'est bon (this is good). :)

So, all of the happy, happy aside, I can tell you I had a very HUNGRY day again today. I ended up eating about 1500 calories, and I'm still looking for a little something. As you know, I have those kind of hunger-spike days periodically. I seriously wish I knew how or why they come on so suddenly. Hoping tomorrow will be better. And I think I'll get on the treadmill or bike tomorrow in the super-fantabulous exercise room here. Not prepared to do water aerobics in the middle of a gazillion kids - so don't expect too much there! lol.

Alright - I'm off to bed. I am very tired. The heat and humidity today took me off guard. Sleep tight everyone. I'll get back on when I can. God Bless.

195.2

2009-03-31T17:49:00.000-07:00

Woo hoo!!! That's all I can say. The scale junkie in me keeps climbing on, and today was a HUGE surprise. I didn't expect to be down another pound - not at all. But hooray for me! And the timing couldn't be more perfect either, because I'm leaving tomorrow for a 10 day trip to Florida.

I haven't mentioned it up until now because I needed to stay focused on losing what I could before I left. I am nervous, but I am also completely committed to this weight loss, and have no intention of letting this trip stop me in my tracks. My plan is to continue eating my 1350 calories, and to get in as much exercise as I can. I have the great BIG advantage of having my drill sergeant with me, so she'll bust my chops if I don't walk or swim or get some other type of activity. The other nice thing is that she'll do it with me, so I won't be alone. Yay. That's all I can say. YAY!!!

The hardest part about going out of town, not just this time but for the past several years, has been figuring out what clothes I have to take with me. It pretty much forces me to clean out my closet and see what fits by trying on everything. THAT'S painful. I totally despise trying on clothes. The saving grace, if there is one, is that I'm am not looking at a three-way mirror in a department store. And then I make three piles: too big; just right; next size down. It's rewarding and depressing at the same time, but a necessary step. The only thing more depressing is thought of having to strut around a beach or pool in my swimming tent. You know, my gigantic swimsuit? Praise God for terry cloth cover-ups! lol.

Alright, so you probably won't hear from me tomorrow or Thursday, but I'll try to post on Friday. I'll be going through scale withdrawals. Seriously. I can't get on my scale again until the day after Easter. And I NEED that number, which is almost two weeks from now, to be lower than 195. I don't care if it's only two pounds. I need to keep losing. If travelling from one state to another is the sole reason for me to "fall off the wagon," then what's the point of this whole program? So, yea. I have to be like glue while I'm gone, and really stick to it.

Please offer up a little prayer for me. I am pretty confident, but every prayer helps. :) And until I come back, I'll say a prayer for you all too. God is good. He's stuck by me this far, and I trust Him. Woot! I'm over and out.

196.4

2009-03-30T19:58:00.001-07:00

Greetings friends! If you noticed my number, you already know how happy I am to see it pop under to 196. I had sincerely hoped to get to 194.5 by the last day of March, but obviously that wasn't meant to be. But that's okay - I am pretty pleased with my results so far, so I am certainly not going to complain.

One of my commenters asked what I was eating everyday. I can say that there are some things that are my "staples" but otherwise I am only limited by my taste buds. I eat between 1200 and 1400 calories a day, with a target of 1350. I also try to eat 4 servings of veggies, 3 servings of fruit, and 80-90g of protein. Like I said, there are only a couple of things that I do every day.

During the week I jump start my metabolism every morning at 7:00 with a protein bar or low fat yogurt. I eat the citrus or almond bars from Herbalife. I like the taste, they're only 130 calories and have 10g of protein. After that, I get in at least one protein shake per day. They have an average of 24-29 grams of protein and at least one serving of fruit, depending on how I make them. And they're really filling, so I can eat them as a snack or meal replacement. Either way works and they're only about 200 calories. If I'm hungrier than normal after dinner, I'll eat one then. Completely satisfying.

I generally have at least one 3-4 oz. chicken breast every day. I marinate them, bake them and keep them in a baggie in the fridge for quick and easy snacks or meals. Then I wrap them in leaf lettuce, "flatout" bread, or a low fat tortilla. I add spinach leaves, tomato or salsa, a little shredded cheese and some light mayo or fat free sour cream. These odd little sandwiches are typically between 150 and 200 calories each. I switch up the chicken with tuna salad or egg salad made with light mayo, onion and celery every couple of weeks. All of them make great little quick sandwiches. My dinners are not a whole lot different. I don't want to cook two meals - one for family members and another for me. So I keep mine easy. I will often have soup and fat free crackers, or my homemade chili as my dinner meal. I also heat up chicken or white fish and add a big serving of veggies. My favorite are the "Steamers" brand. Throw them in the microwave for 7 minutes, 45 calories per serving . . . super!!! Baked veggies with a spray of extra virgin oil are also really good. And then of course I have my wonderful grilled fat free cheese sandwich. Yum!

Okay. I am never without either fresh cut veggies or fresh fruit. I reach for the veggies before the fruit, and usually have 2 measured tablespoons of dip, like ranch. If I haven't had enough veggies, I substitute with V8. Other things I keep on hand are almonds. I eat those as a snack when I'm feeling what I refer to as "desperate hunger." You know, when you're really hungry and have to have something quick. Just a handful or two does the trick. I also keep rice cakes and english muffins on hand. They're a great snack with a little peanut butter. Cooked ham, deli roast beef and turkey are also good on english muffins. Add a handful of pretzels and it is really filling.

The great thing about counting calories as the means for losing weight is that you get to eat whatever you want. You just have to count the calories. Subway without dressing, for a 6 inch sub, is only 350 calories. Yogurt from McDonald's is 60. You can eat what you want, literally. But when you hit your calorie limit, you're done. Period. So you learn to spread your calories out over the course of the day, and you find you start to choose foods with lower calories or higher protein. For example, an Oreo is 56 calories. I can have 4 Oreos or I can have two rice cakes with either peanut butter or tuna salad. No brainer for me.

I don't really eat the 100 calorie snacks. I just think they're a tease for real food and they aren't filling. I'd rather have a little sugar-free pudding cup for 60 calories than two little muffins in a 100 calorie snack package. Or I can have a whole plate of veggies with a little dip for 150. It all comes down to what I choose. And I like that freedom.

Other tidbits: if you're eating a salad, keep the dressing on the side. Dip your fork in the dressing and THEN stab your salad. There is NO difference in the taste, you use 1/3 the amount of dressing and cut out 2/3 of the calories. The only other thing I would add it that if you decide to eat pre-made dinners like Lean Cuisine, watch out for the sodium. It causes water retention and will sabotage your weight loss. Cool beans.

Alright -- this has been VERY lengthy. I have learned lots of tricks along the way to help me. But that's the story I have today. The food story. That's what I know so far, anyway. Feel free to share anything you think will make the journey smoother for all of us. :)

And until the next time, God bless and God love ya.

197

2009-03-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

Solid number. It's been ages since I've had a solid number dead on. I've been watching it all week of course, and had hoped it would pop over to show me a 196 number, but I also know it's coming. And quickly. I've had a spectacular food weekend. Not so great on the exercise, but my eating is just great. I've only had a few days here and there in these last few months when I've struggled with the food. I am really grateful for that.

My struggles since the beginning of this journey always take me by surprise. I am not sure why. Its easy to figure out what the struggles are going to be. I mean, helloooo! I don't LOVE exercise, and I'm going to have cravings for foods that aren't good for me. Duh! Why the surprise then? I have NO idea. So there. I just don't know. Oh well. Who says I need an answer?

Frankly, I would rather like the answer to a different question -- which is why it is that the two alternative exercise choices I have grown to love are the ones that make their top athletes squish into teeny, tiny little outfits? Swimming and skating. Oh yea, I know. I could put on hockey gear instead of a little skating dress, but then I wouldn't be Dorothy Hamel would I? And the swimming suit? Well, let's just say that top swimmers may be wearing tiny little speedo suits, but in my case there are pool covers smaller than the one I've been putting on. They had to use a LOT of sparkles to decorate my suit. Haha. And at some point I intend to fit into one of those puny little ones. We shall see . . . not whether I do . . . but rather, how long it will take until I do. Yea!

So tomorrow is the day of rest, but I've had two in a row, so I need to get busy. Didn't feel very well Friday. I actually had a fever. And then came a headache. I hate that!!! So no skating. No swimming. No walking. But I felt 100x better today. I just didn't get to the exercise part of the day. So sad, isn't it? I thought you'd think so. lol. Tomorrow I need to get a move on. Thankfully I get to start it with church. That way I get all my prayers in right away in the morning. Hah! So, I will check in with you again. Maybe I will just offer up my prayers for all of you tomorrow, and put everything else aside. Good idea. And a pleasant way to sign off, don't you think? Me too. Peace.

197.8

2009-03-26T18:41:00.001-07:00

My weight loss has been such a great change in my life that I couldn't, even if I wanted to, focus on anything unpleasant right now. It's only been a few months and that huge starting blog number, 224.5, seems far, far away already. So here's the thing: if you'd really like to lose some weight, I want to tell you to stop waiting. Be done with putting it off. There's always a party, or a vacation, or a special dinner. There is always a reason to start a diet next week instead of today. But listen. Next week comes and goes and you will still be in the same place. WORK with me. I have 50 more pounds to lose. I want to lose them by this fall. And you can be losing right along with me.

I started this program Jan 2. I have lost almost 30 pounds!!! You can do the same thing. June 1st and July 1st are going to come no matter what. But if you start counting calories today, you might be 30 pounds lighter when they do -- assuming that's what you want to lose. If it's less, it's going to happen sooner, and then YAY you! Okay. So let's do this thing. Don't wait until Monday. Just count your calories over the weekend. See where you are. It's easier than you think. Honestly. Here are two GREAT websites for keeping track: http://caloriecount.about.com and http://www.myfitnesspal.com. It may seem like a hassle, but it IS effective. Weight watchers uses points, but the reason it's effective is because it's tracking what you eat. You have to keep a journal. That's what works. And it will work for you. I promise!!! My friend D. started just the exercise part with me and has lost 15+. That could be you . . . . . .

Okay now that you've had your lecture we can move on. Hehehe.

I had two great workouts today and yesterday. One on the ice and one in the pool. Not getting any closer to Vegas, but I'm getting great exercise! And I am genuninely lovin' it. I'll be pretty sad when the ice comes out at the rink next month. BUT, it goes back in again in June and will be a fabulous place to go this summer. Plus, I'll get in more walks when the weather warms up again. You know. In July. Hah! In the meantime, I'll keep eating right. The sandwich up in the corner is about the most JUVENILE sandwich I've had in ages and it was sooooo good! The only thing that might be better is if I put a little butter spray on it and grilled it. Either way, we're talking t.a.s.t.y.! It's a little higher in calories than I'd like (425), but oh, so, worth it!

Alrighty dighty. That's the report for today. God love ya for tuning in. You're my life line. My skinny life. Haha. Have a happy Friday. Blessings!

198.4

2009-03-24T21:14:00.001-07:00

Another one bites the dust!!! I suppose you're wondering how I know that - since I'm only suppose to get on the scale every few days or so. Yes, I know that optimally I should get on the scale only one time per week. But here's the lowdown people: I've been a very naughty girl, and it's time to 'fess up. Did I mention to you that I'm a scale junkie? Yea, I thought I did. And it's really, really true. Beyond what is reasonable and normal, I'm afaid. It's a genuine addiction. And true to that addiction, I have been getting on the scale almost everyday.

Okay so I'm not talking about hopping on the scale two or three times a day. I'm just talking about my complete and utter inability to start my day without seeing that little black digital number. Don't tell me I'm crazy. I already know that!!! But you know what? I know I'm not alone. I know it just as sure as I know that I'll get right back on again tomorrow. I think there are many, many people out there who do the same thing. And they probably check those numbers more times in a day than my measly ONCE.

I have considered this curious little addiction of mine more times than you can imagine. I have turned myself inside out trying to find the little magnet that puuuullllllls me to get on. What is it about a scale "fix" that I can't avoid? It's not like its a pleasant experience. More often than not it's disappointing or depressing. More often than not I have some sense of what the number is going to be. In fact, I once read an article about how the scale really only confirms what we already know about our weight -- that there are no surprises on that little bugger. But we continue to submit to the whim. Let's "just see." MmmHmmm. You know it's true. Yes you do!

And stranger still is that it doesn't matter whether I'm fat or skinny or somewhere in between. It's there waiting for me every morning. Calling my name. Taunting me. And I WANT to get on. Maybe that is where the problem begins. I don't know. What I DO know, however, is that I don't see myself giving up this last sad, sad little addiction anytime soon. But I'm thinking that it's partly ingrained in my system, routine and life. I've been doing it since I was probably 18. It's the gauge that tells me what I look like. Not literally, I know. But for sure in every other sense.

Puleeeaaaase don't tell me to stop this. That's part of my confession here. I can't and know myself well enough to know that I won't. I just thought I'd better get all of my cards out on the table. It felt like I had a secret and I wanted you to know the WHOLE story. So there it is. The whole sha-bang. So if absolution is what I need, feel free to sock it to me. In the meantime . . . you know I'll just keep working. Like my hour in the pool tonight -- good times. lol.

Well I'm going to sleep a whole lot better just knowing you know me a little bit better than you did 10 minutes ago. Hah! And that's what I need. Sleep. So I'm over and out! G'night!

199.5

2009-03-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

Greetings!!! As you can see, I had a major victory this weekend by managing to maintain the weight I have worked so long and hard to reach. I am so very happy about this, I am sure I don't even have to tell you. And let me just say that it was a truly, truly crazy weekend. Super fun, but busyyyyy.

So I ended up passing on going out to dinner Friday night. My fan club was disappointed (hahaha), but I I felt I needed to do a little weekend damage control before the catastrophe ever hit. That was good. Then on Saturday night when I did go out, I scanned the menu for something lo-cal. No way. Deep fried alligator cheeks? Super nachos? I don't think so!!! I ordered a hamburger with no bun, no fries and no chips. The dipsy doodle waitress brought the bun anyway, so of course I HAD to eat it. I totally justified it though- you would have loved it. I decided I needed something to soak up the 64 calorie beer I was drinking so I didn't get a buzz. lol. Then I nursed the beer for the rest of the night and ended up the designated driver. Perfect. No more calories. No worries.

Unfortunately, I didn't get any exercise this weekend either, but I did manage to eat well the rest of the weekend. One of my favorites has become my chicken taco. It's a lowfat tortilla with fat free sour cream, salsa, chicken, shredded cheese and spinach leaves. It is soooo good and you can eat it hot or cold. Marvy, I'm telling ya!

But the recipe aside . . . I was secretly hoping to drop even 1/2 pound over the weekend. That was a pipe dream. I am faced with hormones that want to do the jitterbug these days, and it completely messes with my weight loss plan, not to mention my psyche. I'm crying like a baby as I'm watching The Biggest Loser on T.V. I mean seriously. Can you spell "ridiculous"? Pull yourself together lady!!! Someone has to be eliminated for Pete's sake! Good gravy! The irony is almost too much, isn't it?

So this week I have keep on it, get to the gym, eat right, and shake off the extra water weight. And I'm distracted because I'm surrounded by water. Inside and out. No. Really. I have flooding around my house of biblical proportions. Water is NOT my friend this week. Gurgle. But I'm grateful for the victory of maintaining my weight from Friday. And I am grateful for the strength to continue to journey. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and I strive to see in myself what He sees in me. And when I do, what confidence and strength I shall have then, eh? Yea. Biblical.

Alright so I'll be back tomorrow. And a big shout of congratulations goes out to my friend R., who I ran into over the weekend. He's lost 26 pounds of his own since the beginning of January by giving up the five C's: cola, chips, cookies, candy and cake . . . AND his beer. Woohoo for brandy, I guess!!!

And I'm out. Blessings and peaceful slumber to you all.

Gurgle, Gurgle

2009-03-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to me what a HUGE role water plays in my weight loss journey. Of course anyone who has been on any weight loss program knows that you have to drink at least 8 glasses of water every day in order for the program to be effective. I'm not familiar with the mechanics of this. I have NO idea why this is true. I only know from personal experience that it's absolutely, unquestionably true.

Now I don't know if you read the comments on different days that I blog, but one from yesterday was really interesting. I was shocked to read it. And plenty irritated to boot. Here's the gist: I took a day off from exercising to let my muscles rest and repair because they were incredibly, unbelievably sore. My commenter indicated that generally water fills in and surrounds damaged or sore muscles in order to protect them from injury. Translation: a possible weight gain due to water weight. My response: No, no, no, no, no, no!!!! I need to avoid that scale like it's FAT itself that's going to seep into my body through my feet. I can't handle the disappointment of a gain. I JUST got to one-derland. I can't be jumping in and out like that. So I'm going to try and stay off the scale until Monday. Oh, and that makes water my newest fair-weather-friend.

Meanwhile, I got back in the pool tonight. Another thumbs up for water! It is truly a fantastic form of resistance exercise. It can also be a great cardio workout. Did you know, for example, that jogging in the water burns over 330 calories for just 30 minutes? It's probably pretty comparable to regular running, but it's soooo much easier on your joints, and on your body generally. And honestly, it's a lot more fun. So you tend to work longer and harder. Because you can. So I was in the water for about 55 minutes. My legs were all squishy and wobbly when I got out, so I knew it was a good work out. I was happy that I got some exercise. I woke up feeling pretty worn out again today, and wasn't sure I wanted to hit the treadmill. So getting in the pool was perfect.

Tomorrow I'm headed to the skating rink again. I'm looking forward to that too. Works all different muscles. I just have to remember to mummify my feet, or I am going to be saying hello to Mr. and Mrs. Blister again. Haha. But it will kick off a very busy weekend. I have mixed feelings about it because while it will be a fun weekend, I will be going out for dinner twice. Never good. There's no place like home for eating right! :) So please say a little prayer for me.

And I'll say one for all of you. For whatever you're needing or wanting in your life today. And I'll try to check in before the weekend's over - if nothing else to maintain a little balance and accountablility. Until then, be safe and be happy. :)

These Boots Are Made for Walkin'

2009-03-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

Whew! What a ride this has been so far! And it's only going to get better. And you know what they say? Well, you know what someone said?

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOOHOO - What a Ride!"

That's how I want it to be!!! I just want to do it in a smaller size!!! And with that sentiment in mind, I have plotted my walking course to Vegas. I sooo loved the idea, and think it's such great incentive that I intend to share my progress with you as I go. Now let me know if you want me to meet you somewhere on the way. I can't say I'll slow down, but I'll swing by for ya!

So it's 1,496 miles from God's Country to Las Vegas. If you can believe it, google maps allows you to get directions if you intend to walk, drive or take public transit. Who knew? Crazy! Well anyway, I walked six of those miles yesterday, so I only have 1490 to go. This is going to be good, isn't it. Yea. I can tell. But let's put this in perspective here.

- if I walk 3 miles every day, I will be in Vegas in 497 days
- if I walk 5 miles everyday, I will be in Vegas in 298 days

With those numbers in mind, I am thinking I will hit it closer to one year from now - which is sort of a mid-way point. St. Patty's Day in Vegas? Yea, I could handle that! Hahaha. So I've begun that journey and I'm in it for the long, long, long haul. Just like the mailman! Hah!

Meanwhile, my story for today is a sad one. My body was so exhausted, I could hardly lift my arms. I honestly was so tired I felt like I had influenza or something. Achy, tired, crabby. Not good. But I am learning my body's cues, and I decided to take a breather from exercise today. My legs ached like crazy last night. I iced my right one because it feels like I have shin splints. I look a Tylenol pm later and it didn't do much good. So my muscles need rest and repair. Today for sure. We'll see about tomorrow.

Okay but just so we're on the same page of my story, I am NOT complaining about the pain. I don't like it, but it means something is happening. Something is improving and building and shaping. You know when I'm complaining. And it's not now. :) Besides, my eating is great. Am trying to cut back a TEENSY bit on the bread, but you know how I love that, so I'm not trying particularly hard. I have mostly switched types - like pita instead of two pieces of whole grain. It works for me. So okay.

That's it. Just another day and another plan. Hope you are all well and enjoying time outside, soaking up all of that Vitamin D. Don't forget the sunscreen! I'm over and out.

199.5

2009-03-17T12:13:00.000-07:00

Woooooo hoooooo!!!!!!!!! 199.5! Finally, finally finally! Goodbye twoderville!!! I am so thrilled! Now you and I both know that I have a loooong way to go. But this little number brings my weight loss so far to a cool 25 pounds! I have 50+ to go, but getting under the 200 mark is a HUGE milestone for me. And despite the fact that it's St. Patty's Day, luck had nothing to do with this accomplishment. It was sweat and determination, combined with God's grace. Period.

The weather is beautiful again today. A teensy bit cool for a wife-beater "t" but I didn't really care. I was out there today like it was 70 degrees. I am not completely convinced my feet ever touched the ground! :) I'm off for another walk later this afternoon while I wait for little family members to finish their detention. Hahaha. My very, very skinny friend and my blister -ridden friend are on a mission as well.

Oh! And by the way -- I took commenter galynn's advice about the weights. Guess what I got? A weight vest!!! I'm going to play S.W.A.T. while I'm walking to spice up my life a little. (We'll talk more about THAT on another day.) And I'm going to plot my course, as another commenter suggested. The idea is to track the miles I've walked heading toward a specific destination. So far I'm in the middle of a corn field in rural Minnesota. I have to walk another 3 miles to get to a gas station for a snack! lol! Then it's onward toward Vegas!!!

Okay folks, that's my story today. No corned beef or cabbage for me. No green beer or green milk. I'm going to settle for some green veggies and green tea! May God look after you today on this marvelous feast day of St. Patrick of Ireland. And may St. Patrick intercede for all of us to drive the "snakes" out of our lives too. Top 'o the day to ya!

200.6

2009-03-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

Another bit of weight off, another smile upon my face! I think it goes without saying that I'm am VERY happy about the loss, but I am as frustrated as all get out that I am STILL not past that 200 mark. Its just sooo close!!! I just have to get over that hump! I know that my exercise is going to pay off. But when? I'm not terribly patient right now. Go figure! lol.

My exercise has been wonderful! Yesterday my friend from Saturday came out again and we sat outside basking in the sun and enjoying the warm weather. My friend had a blister (heh heh heh -- we know all about those!) so we decided to swim instead of walk. We got in the pool and managed to eke out over 45 minutes of some pretty tough water aerobics. I led, and was huffin' and puffin' as we went. It was fabulous! So strange to sweat while you're in a pool!

Anyway, today was another gorgeous day. So after lunch I called another friend and asked her if she wanted to walk. She did, and we did. This was a good idea and a bad idea. It was quite the workout! Because the thing is, my friend has long legs. I mean, my kneecaps are probably level with her mid-calf. So she would walk 'stride-stide' and I would try to keep up with 'step-step-step and step-step-step.' I felt like a litte stubby wiener dog walking next to a graceful great dane. She asked me if we should slow down on several occasions, but I insisted we keep the pace. Of course she had to hold most of the conversation because I couldn't breathe, let alone talk, but it was invigorating and really good for me. 45 minutes and 3 miles later I was a ball of sweat. So awesome!

Then it was back to the pool tonight for more water aerobics. 45 minutes of it. And the time in the pool flies by, so it only felt like a few minutes. But I was all pruny and rubbery when I got out, so it must have been positive in some respects. If it wasn't cardio, I had 45 minutes of some pretty good resistence exercise. And every little bit helps.

All in all a great exercise day. I haven't worked out with weights but fully intend to. The funny thing is, I don't know if they'll fit me yet. When I went in a couple of weeks ago to take a look at a set, I ended up pulling them out of the box and trying them on. I was shocked to learn that my ankles were too fat for them to stay securely, so I didn't get any. The friend I had with me about wet her pants because of my "fat ankles." I don't know if they'd fit me today, but I'll eventually get them on! :)

That's about all I know now. I will let you know if anything radical changes for me this week. My intent is to just keep working out and keep eating right. The weight will come off soon enough I guess.

Have a good one! And God Bless---

Taking It Up A Notch

2009-03-14T16:51:00.001-07:00

Another great day in God's country. It has been such a long, cold winter. It started early, snowed and snowed and snowed, and the temps have stayed at subzero levels for months. So when the sun came out today and the temperature pushed toward 40 degrees, I was ecstatic. I knew I wanted to walk outside instead of getting on the treadmill. And that's exactly what I did. A friend came out to visit and we hit the highway. Okay well, we hit the paved country road and walked for almost an hour. Fantastic!!!

The time flew by. I could easily have kept right on going. Easily. But the friend I was walking with got a blister (sounds familiar?). So we turned around and headed back. We got the wind in our faces on the way back, so it ended up being quite a little work out. Honestly. I know because I stink. Hahahaha. I haven't quite gotten around to taking a shower yet. lol.

Anyway, it was a great change from the gym and the scenery on my garage treadmill. I'm going to hit it again tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I'm REALLY looking forward to it. Surprise, surprise. Huh? I know. Me too!

And I kind of think it might be time to try and take it up a notch. Try and get in two exercise times a day. This could get interesting for us. I mean, I could hardly get to once a day up, and now I'm suggesting two. But I'm serious. If the weather stays good and my friends keep calling me when they're ready to groove, it could actually work. And even if this plan doesn't get off the ground right away, the very fact that I'm open to it means I'm ready to take it up a notch, right? Say "right." Thank you. :)

Alright, well I'm going to sign off here. I'll let you know how the weekend goes. Have a good one!

Ahhhhh

2009-03-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

Well I have had an amazing day! I started off with a great workout - 50 minutes of skating. It's such a great way to exercise. You work up a sweat, but not really because it's so cold. Strange feeling to have the back of your head wet and sweat trickling down your back but you have to keep your sweatshirt on or you'll freeze. But I like that when I'm finished my legs feel kind of like jello. I also like that different muscles are aching than the usual ones. And at this point, my muscles ache all the time. It's a good thing, but again, it's a little strange too. It's the sign that I'm making progress. I can't SEE the progress yet, but there's something going on way deep in those legs of mine.

After my workout and one of my protein shakes, I headed to the gym where, as a HUGE treat for myself, I had scheduled a massage. This was an extravagance for me, and one that I was really looking forward to. To relax. Soothe the muscles. Ease the ache. Ahhhh.

Unless of course your muscles need a good soothing. Or they ache. Or they're strained. In which case, you don't get that relaxing "spa" massage. What you get is Helga's House of Pain. Seriously. And the more work the muscles need, the more pain you can expect. Because you have to work out those kinks and smooth those knots somehow. OUCH!!!!! What happened to the "relaxing" part of this deal???? Oh, and it's twice as bad when you're a two-ton-Tillie because you gotta mooooove the fatty skin out of the way to find the muscle so you can work out the knots! DANG! Helloooo??? Didn't you hear me?? What happened to the "relaxing" part of this deal???? Hahaha.

Well I think it goes without saying that although my muscles are probably smoother now than they were before my massage, I won't be making another appointment anytime soon. I think it's best if I wait until you can actually FEEL the muscle somewhere in all that skin. That's my plan anyway. :)

My meals and food plans are still on course. I am still at about 1350 calories each day. I want to say that the appropriate amount of calories you should take in when you want to lose weight is your weight times 7. For me then, it's 201.8 x 7, or about 1412. Interestingly, my Lose It program on my iphone says I can only have 1276. I'm right in between, so I feel pretty safe. And I guess as long as the weight keeps coming off I'll stay with that plan. I won't try to fix it if it's not broken.

Okie dokie then . . . that's my scoop today. I'm off to slumberland -- or at least a shot at it. Haven't slept well all week so we shall see . . . Happy Saturday to you everyone! God Bless you real good. :)

201.8

2009-03-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

Waaayy down! Woooohoooo!!! I complain and complain and then, ca-ching! The number drops! I am so very happy about this. I am getting closer and closer to one-derland and its making me work harder. Well, its making me work hard. As hard as I have so far, anyway. It keeps me on track and that's what I need. I need to stay on track. And not just for me. I need to stay on track for you, too.

I started this blog January 2 with the intention of tracking my weight loss. So far so good. But I want to tell you that I am one of many, many people who blog about their weight loss. There are so many out there it makes your head spin. Some are are wildly entertaining. They are funny and have some great links. Some of them have hundreds of followers. Some of them have hundreds of ads. There are sites that are listed in "Top 10" lists here and there. And they all started with the same intention: to blog as they lose. They all had the intent to lose weight. And therein is the sad problem. It doesn't quite happen.

I'm am so sorry. I'm not condemning or criticizing. But some of these people have been blogging for two and three and four years. They start out great. They lose 20 or 30 pounds over six months. And that's where it stops. The blogging continues, the weight goes up and down. Mostly up. The struggle continues and the topics shift. They shift topics because there's no more loss. They stop mentioning what they weigh and what they ate. It comes up every now and then. The rest might be hints and advice and good intentions. But no moving forward. I mean, downward.

And I don't want that to be me. I don't want to hover. I don't want to hit a mark and stop moving forward. I want to keep spiraling downward - the more dizzying the pace the better. Yes, I know slower is healthier. But stopping is fatal. And I was sincere when I said it's for you, too. How dull to listen to someone who doesn't do what she said she was going to do. How dull to see 203, 203, 203, 203, 203 . . . you get the point. You WANT me to keep going. You WANT me to lose. As much as I want it. And I love, love, love that about us!!!!! I feel like we're a team. We're a team because I am doing this for me, but I couldn't do it without you. Do you honestly think I'd bust my big butt to break 200 if all of you didn't check in on me? OF COURSE I WOULD!!! But I wouldn't get there until June! Hah! And then maybe I'd get to 190 by August. Maybe 180 by next Christmas. Like the rest of the bloggers. And I'd be hopelessly, aimlessly blogging for the next 2 years without ever making progress.

No thank you!!! We deserve better. You do. I do. And we're going to make it. I promise. Really. I promise you. I won't let you down. I'll be like the mailman - getting it done under any circumstances and in any kind of weather. Except my mail bags are gonna get lighter and lighter. lol. So yes, my loss is good. But we're not done. Today I walked for an hour. Yay! And as soon as it starts to get warmer and the snow melts - which at this point looks like June - I'm going to double my efforts. And I just keep thanking God for having my back. He really is the rock. Yea.
And I thank God for you. My team. xoxoxo.

A is for the Alchohol....

2009-03-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

. . .that I should just avoid. I mean for pity sakes. Really!!! I'm hardly a big drinker. Not exactly a lush if you know what I mean. But two nights in a row with 2 glasses of wine each night put me in a bad place and a bad mood. My weight after the weekend was 203.8. That's just wrong! I even counted in the calories and made adjustments to my intake because of the wine. But nope. My body has decided to punish me for what it considers to be "decadent." Booo!!!

So here's the "skinny" on alcohol my friends. It makes you retain water, which causes your weight to fluctuate. It also slows your metabolism, causing your body to burn less calories, which causes your weight to fluctuate. And last, it causes a spike in your blood sugar, which makes you hungry, which makes you eat, which causes your weight to fluctuate. Are we seeing a pattern here?

Unfair as it may be, alcohol is NOT good for the dieter. All the planning and counting and anticipating doesn't prepare you for the wretched number that shows up on your scale after you've been drinking. I know we had a little visit about this issue a few weeks ago. But it's apparently something I need to repeat to myself over and over. Somehow it didn't sink in. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself: three drinks and you're on your way to fat-so-ville, honey!

My fingers are still fat and swollen from the weekend. I didn't go and indulge my appetite after my blood sugar spiked either. I'm just retaining that much water. And I'm not sure how long I'm stuck with the effects of this. I'll let you know. For me, this is not a worthwhile sacrifice. I just can't justify having wine if this is what I'm left to deal with.

In the meantime, I'm back at it in the gym. Was there tonight and on treadmill for 30, bike for 30. Then it was out the door to an incoming winter storm and BOOM!!! I hit the pavement like an medicine ball dropped from the sky. Thankfully my butt is big enough to handle the impact. No bones broken and no muscles strained. Whew! That's all I would need!

Tomorrow is a new day. New scale numbers. Hopefully better. So it's nighty-night for me. Sleep tight all!

Rose Colored Glasses

2009-03-06T18:14:00.000-08:00

Great day today. Really great. I got back to the gym. I didn't have a whole list of things to get done, so I spent over an hour there. Now, you know as well as I do that I didn't want to go in the first place. My two day break, or any break for that matter, just makes the next trip seem like such a chore. But you also know, as I do, that without the gym the speed of my weight loss will be significantly less. So I sucked it up and went. I spent 35 minutes on the treadmill and 30 on the stationery bike. Woo hoo!!!

Now I have to tell you that I was wearing a new pair of sweat shorts. Well not new. Old. But they're a "new" size going backward from where I was. They're a regular XXL. I know, that's a big number. But you know what? It's not a 1x or 2x in women's sizes. You may or may not know this but when your weight hits the big time, you can't shop in regular departments or regular clothing stores anymore. It works like this: you have small, medium, large, x-large and xx-large. Or you have 10, 12, 14, 16, 18. But when you hit that xxl or 16/18 range there is a lot LESS to choose from, if there's anything at all. So you have to cross the aisle to the "women's" department.

Okay, can we just talk about this? The departments are kids, juniors, misses and women's. Exactly what is the message here???? That once you're married you're gonna pack on the pounds? That anyone who moves into the later stages of life is destined to be 200+ pounds? And who is a "misses" anyway??? The whole system is warped. It's sooo ODD! I mean, the women's department has sizes 16 and 18 too. The difference is that there's a magical "W" after the size number that changes everything. MUCH roomier! And I know the "w" is suppose to mean "women's", but I can't help secretly feeling that it actually means "wide." lol. And it's the same for the size 1x or 2x -- waaayyyy roomier. It is truly the most ridiculous system. It's like a little wink and a nod to all of us fat gals out there. Permission to, I don't know, expand!

Okay well anyway --I am pleased to say that I have to suck it all back in again because I have officially moved back across the aisle from "women's" to the misses' shopping section. My 18 wides are too loose, and I fit into my xxl's again, as opposed to my 1x's and 2x's. Hooray, hooray! And the rose colored glasses I was wearing when I first crossed that aisle? I left those in the women's section too. Hopefully I will hang onto the healthy self-awareness I've acquired over these last couple of months. I don't want to find myself where I was. You know. Across the aisle. :)

Alrighty-dighty. I'm signing off here. Happy Saturday everyone!

Blah Blah Blah

2009-03-05T20:17:00.000-08:00

Hello folks! So sorry to be so long getting back online. I am a little surprised and a little shocked too. I don't know why but I thought I was on here Wednesday. It's spring break around here so I have lost track of time and days. Everyday feels like Saturday this week.

It's been a busy week too. Honestly. So busy that I couldn't get to the gym on either Wednesday or today. I know I made a commitment, but I literally didn't have time on either day. I suppose I could get on now -- at 10:00 p.m. -- but I'm not going to do that. It would be a pathetic effort and I know it, so I might as well wait until tomorrow and go like gangbusters. I was able to do that earlier this week and was very happy with myself. I'll do it again tomorrow.

Today I had to hustle around the greater metropolitan area for a couple of meetings. I was so busy yesterday that I didn't plan and didn't bring along any healthy snacks. I started my day with a protein shake, snacked on a clementine orange later, but I was craving a hot hoagie sandwich. Since I hadn't had too much, I went ahead and ate one. Then I just counted calories the rest of the day. I have done well, and I DON"T want to go backwards. It is not worth it. Not at all.

My post today is as bland as melba toast, but I wanted to touch base and let you know that I'm doing good. I am constantly amazed at whatever unseen force is sustaining me -- aside from my commenters, that is!!! I am as motivated today as I was the first day I started this, and it surprises me every moment of every day. I keep waiting for a major melt down or some other crash, but it's been so long now that I am beginning to believe it might not be coming. Yay!!!

Alrighty -- I am fidgety and antsy and think I will try and relax a bit or I'll never sleep. And I need to sleep. Yawn. So I'm off. Take care, sleep well. I'll touch base again over the weekend!

203

2009-03-03T21:36:00.000-08:00

Holy Hannah Banana! Got on the scale today and wow!!! I was completely shocked to see that number. Thrilled, of course. But shocked! I keep thinking I don't deserve it, but that's not true. I DO deserve it. And I am happy, happy, happy!

I have to tell you, that picture of Miss Piggy from yesterday had me chuckling all day today. Every time I thought of it I burst out laughing. "What If You Were Miss Piggy?" I mean, for heaven's sake -- I AM Miss Piggy!!! The irony of it is just a hoot. Maybe you don't think so, but I do. Cracks me up!!!

Anywho . . . good day today. Back to the gym for day 2 of my two week goal. I worked really hard. Got on the treadmill and alternated running and walking. The running is what my bod' wants to do. My knees have a STRONG objection. But it gets easier as I lose the weight. If those people on the Biggest Loser can get on a treadmill and run at a speed of 15, then I can certainly get on mine and run at 4.5 or 5.o1 Right? Right! So I alternated between walking at 3.8 and running at 4.5 or so. I tried to bring it up, but didn't do so well sustaining it. Still, its a far cry from the 3.3 I started at in January, so I am satisfied. When I was finished I biked for 15 minutes. Sauna. Shower. Bliss.

I know I have to keep going back to that gym. Right now I'm just like that little engine that could -- I just have an extra large caboose! HAH!!! And there is some unseen force motivating me to do that right now, so I feel like success is just around the bend, or over the hill, or whatever it is. It's not far off, anyway.

Well friends, I am truly exhausted tonight. Had a little too much energy tea before I went to bed last night and I tossed and turned until 3:00 in the morning. Booo!!! I hope to sleep better tonight. So I'll sign off here, with a big THANK YOU JESUS for the super-dee-duper drop in my weight. You're awesome! And so, my friends, are all of you. A peaceful slumber to you all! :)

Gym-Bo

2009-03-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

Hurray for me! I did the one thing I avoid on a daily basis -- went to the gym. Day one under my belt. What's the saying? "Once begun is half done." I truly believe that's true. Especially for me. I was pretty pleased with myself.

So I've been agitated the last few days. I think I told you that. If I didn't, now you know. Unfortunately I couldn't really shake that when I got to the gym. I was able to get rid of it AFTER my work out, but not before or during. And let me just apologize right now for being such a naughty little sinner-person. But I just have to get this off of my chest. There was a lady at the gym who was so irritating I wanted to wring her neck.

She was on the elliptical in front of me -the WHOLE time I was there and well over the 30 minutes you're suppose to spend on any given machine. And this particular elliptical is the only one at the gym that doesn't have arm bars that you have to work at the same time as your legs. It has rails only. And its the most popular elliptical there. For me included. And this girl was a complete elliptical hog. I thought I was going to jump off the treadmill and yank her off. People would come in, look over and see her on it, and get on a different machine, all the while continuing to look over at her (a sure sign they want to get on it). One man stood behind the machine next to it watching TV for almost 10 minutes after she hit the 30 minute mark. She was either completely oblivious or just that rude. Oink, oink. He walked away.

And then I couldn't help but watch her. I was directly behind her. She hadn't signed in on the white board. She covered the time information with a magazine. And she clucked her head forward like a chicken with every step she took, leading with her chin to get the rest of her body in motion. Out and in. Out and in. Oh. My. Gosh. I thought I was going to freak out. I have NO IDEA why!!!

I managed to get through the rest of my time on the treadmill and hopped on the stationery bike. I kept hoping that either she's be done or that someone would tattle on her. How immature is that??? 15 minutes later she was still clucking and stepping and I hit the road. So ridiculous. I can't say anything except "I'm sorry." Sorry for being so petty, and sorry for dragging you down with me. But sometimes, my friends, ya just gotta share. lol.

So. Note to self: don't be a machine hog. It's ticks people off. Bad. And just maybe I can get on that special elliptical tomorrow. Because you KNOW I have to go back. I can. I can. I can. . . . . .

A Sad, Sad Day

2009-03-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

Yes it is. A sad day indeed. I gained a pound. I'm back at 206. Sooooo sad. And soooo irritating. And I really want to gripe and complain to you. I really, really want to do that. But that long bony pointer finger keeps turning itself back around toward me. I have no one to blame but myself for this and I want to SCREAM!! And stamp, stamp, stamp my feet. And have a complete and utter tantrum. Ughhhh!!! I know I have to go to the gym. I know what I have to do. I know, I know, I know. Ughhhh!!!

You know what though? Other than the gym thing, I don't deserve this. Not at all. It's not like I've been stuffing my face with all sorts of goodies. Well wait. I have. But "goodies" might not mean the same thing to me that they do to you. For example, the grilled cheese right there? 150 calories. VERY tasty. Whole grain bread @ 80 a slice, fat free cheese slices (american and swiss) at 30 each, and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray @ 25. Dreamy, actually. My kind of "goodies" these days. I have a couple of them.

Protein shakes are another. All different flavors. They're fantastic. It's just insane that they could possibly be so healthy!! But they are. And I'm so LUCKY for that. I make one using vanilla shake mix with extra protein powder (also vanilla), add a capful of rootbeer extract, water and ice. Blend. It tastes exactly like a rootbeer float. 200 calories. 24 grams of protein. Sometimes I add a capful of almond flavoring. Tastes like a big sugar cookie. And then there's the chocolate-banana, or chocolate-cherry. They're all about the same in calories and protein. It's like going to the Dairy Queen every single day! I make them with Herbalife products, and I can tell you with all certainty it's worthy every dime I spend.

I don't spend a lot of time talking about food. I don't think it's good for anyone. Tends to make us ALL hungry. Also, it bugged the bajeebers out of me when I read a dieter's blog that said she "cheated" by eating Puppy Chow, and then proceeded to provide a link for the recipe. I mean, helloooo???? Thanks for push lady! You might as well put a donut in my hand and say "I ate one. You can too." Dumb. And I want to avoid doing that to you. But if I can give you some healthy alternatives, then I will. So be honest . . . doesn't that grilled cheese look mighty good? Yea.

Okay. So tomorrow is the start of another week. I had hoped to be at 204.5 by February 28 - which would have put me at about a 10 pound loss per month. But I missed it. Humbling, to say the least. I had wanted to get to one-derland by the second week of March. That's seems too aggressive now, I know. Over 6 pounds - 3 pounds a weeks. But I can set the goal and do what I can to hit it. That means the gym. So my goal is two FULL weeks of working out. That's cardio every day plus extras. It's the only way. And I can do this. I can. I can. I can. I've done it before and I can keep on doing it. I can. And I will. And I will keep you posted.

Lord, I pray today for strength and perseverance. Keep me strong on my journey, and help me get skinny quick! I pray too, for anyone on the journey with me, that they have strength and perserverance. And for everyone else, I pray for whatever intention is in their hearts. God Bless and goodnight, all.

Ku Ku Kachew!

2009-02-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

I never used to be susceptible to so many little flu bugs. Seems I always managed to escape any of the really nasty stuff other people caught. Not so anymore. I have been sick more frequently over the last two years than I have been throughout my life!

I have been fighting off a cold that really wants to kick my butt. Sore throat, swollen glands, sniffles, the chills. You know the story. And my body has been working pretty hard at keeping the monster at bay.

Yesterday I was feeling pretty groggy and achy, but I headed in to the gym to try and sweat it out. Luckily for me, hahaha, there wasn't a parking spot within two blocks. So I headed over to have a protein shake at the Let's Shake shop. And I sat there all teary-eyed and sick looking. But my phone rang and a friend wanted to go walk her dog. Even though it was only about 20 degrees, the sun was out and it was calling my name. I quickly hopped in my car and drove out to join her. It was, of course, wonderful. Thirty minutes of a pretty brisk wind-whipping was all it took to lift my spirits. And the great thing about having really fat thighs is that no blood circulates to those areas, so they numb up pretty quickly and you don't feel a thing! Yay! I was soooo grateful my friend thought of me. I think I would have wallowed in my stupor all day if she hadn't. It kept me pretty up all the rest of yesterday.

This morning I added a migraine headache to my cold symptoms, and I was down for the count. So I spent a great deal of today trying to sleep it away - to no avail. Almost made it worse. So I went outside to shovel. We're in the middle of a blizzard here in God's country. But I decided to sweat and get fresh air at the same time. It helped yesterday. And guess what? It helped again today! My headache and cold symptoms are not gone, but they have definitely diminished. And I think once the headache hits the road the rest of me will be fine. I don't do very well with suffering. Not well at all.

And the weird, dieter twist to all of this is that I have absolutely NO appetite. The thought of food makes me sick right now. Any food. I don't even want something to drink. Yuk! I'd rather shovel than use my energy thinking about what to make for dinner. So I may just skip it. If I do . . . anyone want to take bets that I can't stay off the scale tomorrow???? Yea. Curses.

Okay. I'm fading. And I'm getting foggy again. So I'm going to sleep a little. I REALLY hope I wake up more healthy tomorrow morning. Some little somebody deep down inside of me is ready to get back to work at the gym (I watched Biggest Loser last night. lol. Always an inspiration, that show.) Gotta get a move on.

If you have a home remedies you want to share, let me know! God love ya!

205.5

2009-02-24T18:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, I got on the scale early. I know I should've waited until tomorrow, but you know me . . .

I'm pretty happy about the number. It's down two from a week ago. So why do you suppose I am so crabby today???? I am, in fact, crabby. Doesn't really matter what goes my way and what doesn't. Everything is getting under my skin today. Everything. And honestly, for the first time in a long time I have a really strong craving for sugar. And a little less will power than I've had over these past 7 weeks.

I apologize for sharing such unpleasantries today. But I guess if I'm opening up my life, I can open up some of the worm cans too. I'm not crabby very often. I can be irritable, sure. Impatient - definitely. But crabby and rude, not too often. The interesting thing about it is that I'm not on any medication for this. Once upon a time I was on anti-depressants for my temperment. And that's part of the reason I'm this fat to begin with. But for today it's just me, myself and I dealing with all these emotions. No happy pills. So I'm trying to figure out why I can't snap out of it. Why it makes me want sugar. Why it makes me want to eat. Being crabby doesn't naturally and automatically equate with hunger. I know it can be a trigger for a lot of people. Lots of emotions do that. But this is not one that I'm used to. In fact, I didn't think I had a whole lot of eating triggers. I like food, so I eat. Period. I've never denied that at all. And the weight gain? A combination of meds and laziness.

Today is different. I'm not sure why. I'm just so . . . irritated. Even sounds bother me. And I'm over my calorie intake limit. Don't get me wrong. I didn't eat a dozen donuts or anything. But I did eat too much. About 300 calories too much - putting me at 1750. And I did manage to avoid sugar. But I'm done tonight. It's already past 9. My body will just have to suffer. It's not like I'm really hungry anyway. I'm actually full. So I'll just deal with it, try to get to sleep early and wake up better tomorrow. I have a cold, a sore throat and the sniffles. So the extra sleep will be good for me anyway. I'm sure that is contributing to my mood in some way. That and my complete failure to excerise. I'm a little sick and tired of myself, actually. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's the bottom line. I'm tired of me. Sick of my own shortcomings. Sick of my failures. I don't know.

Tomorrow is another day. A new start. Another chance. And it's Ash Wednesday. A day of atonement, if you will. Or the beginning of six weeks of atoning. I haven't decided on any personal sacrifices yet. And since I'm already giving up so much, I'll be looking at what I can DO instead of what I can abstain from doing. I'll let you know what I decide.

Okay. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Enough complaining. The Oscar in me is going to bed -- just as soon as House ends. lol. Pray for me. And I'll pray for you too. Grrrrr. . . . .

Thunder Thighs

2009-02-23T19:19:00.000-08:00

Mondays come around faster than any day of the week. Maybe it's a different day for you. But it seems like every time I turn around it's Monday again. And today was no exception. So I headed in to my 'Weight Loss Challenge' meeting at dinner time. I was down another 2+ pounds (which I won't report because it's different than my home scale). Not too shabby. But the real surprise was the inches. I lost a total of 5 inches from the various parts of my body this week. Except the thighs. Chest, bust, waist, hips, and upper arms. Not thighs. *!#@*!#@$&!

I am sure you can figure out that none of these numbers are small. They didn't start small, and they aren't small now. They will be soon enough - a few months to go for that. But right now, my thighs have the circumference of a small child. Well, okay. Maybe not a small child. And maybe not the measure of the big pink lady here. lol. But for sure they're as big as a couple of large watermelons. And I have to simply add here (sorry guys) that there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, more irritating than thighs that touch and/or rub together when you walk. I can't take it!!! There's so much friction I'm surprised my pants don't ignite! It's just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

And while we're on the subject of thighs, can I also say that women really get the raw end of the genetic deal on this? I know the whole theory behind the need for wider hips and child bearing and all of that blah, blah, blah. But the way that weight goes on and comes off of a woman's body is just flat out unfair!!!! Why is it that when you gain weight it goes to the hips and thighs first and then to the upper body, but on the way down it's the opposite? I mean, why can't our thighs follow the normal rules of inventory? First in, first out. Everything else works that way. Everything. But noooooo, not thighs.

Well okay fine, then. I'll just deal with it. However, if any of you are aware of a way, short of liposuction, to get a little jump start on the helium balloon that makes up my thighs and butt, be sure an drop me a note. Otherwise I'll just keep counting calories and skating and getting on the treadmill. It's working for me, and that's what's most important. Right? Right.

Ok so until tomorrow, God bless you all!

206

2009-02-21T20:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, it really says 206! I am so, so, so happy! Seems like just last week I was complaining about 210. Oh that's right, it was just last week!!! Hahaha. But let me tell you honestly, I cannot wait to get out of "twoderville" and into "one-derland" again. It's been such a long time. Well, maybe not a looooonnnnngggg time, but it's been over a year and 1/2 for sure. I am so very, very tired of scale digits that start with the number 2.

My goal is to make to one-derland by the second week in March. Of course, the only way that's possible is if I get my hiney exercising like mad. So I guess that's what I will have to do. Now where did I put that motivation?????

Meanwhile, I am still wearing the same, horrible, humongous size 18 jeans. Oh yea, they're looser. Maybe even a smidgen big. Not big enough to drop to the next size, unfortunately. The majority of my weight seems to be coming off of my upper body. So each day I'm looking more and more like - yep - Marilyn Monroe. Lucky me! Really. Her shape is very similar to where I am headed. If I'm not mistaken, she was a size 12 or so - by 50 year old standards anyway. Interesting how her shape is probably considered chunky by current standards. Me and Marilyn. Chunky buds. Who would have thought it?

The thing is, if I want the great CURVES she has, as opposed to the blob look that I'm currently sporting, my exercise will have to focus on those trouble spots that I call thighs. And if I can hone in on those, I can drop down a pants size. And then I can get rid of those size 18 jeans forever -- which of course frees up a ton of space in my closet because those jeans are made of ALOT of material. They're huuuuuuuggggggeeeeee! lol. Then maybe I'll pick up one of those cute little white dresses and stand over a street vent!!!

The gym, the gym, the gym. Does it seem to you that I always come back to the same stumbling block? Yea, me too. I must have some mental issue with this. I'll have to really ponder this if I want to overcome my aversion to sweating my butt off and working my muscles to the point of fatigue. What's my real problem with being sore and achey? I'll figure it out and let you know! :)

Until I do, I'll just keep pushing. And pulling. And posting. I'm off to bed. Sleep tight everyone!

Another Unordinary Day

2009-02-19T21:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not at all sure that any day in my life is what others would call "ordinary." I get up, count calories, fret about exercise -- you know, the usual stuff. But it seems that something always happens to make my life saucy. And today was one of those. It began as an ordinary day. I got up and met a friend for a little figure skating. It was super!!! I seemed to get back alot of the balance I lacked last week. There may even have been a hint of, dare I say, "grace"? Well, all the grace that's possible for a 207 pound woman bounding around an ice rink anyway. But I wrapped my blister spots and loosened my laces a bit. 45 minutes and pretty decent sweat later, I was pretty pleased.

I headed home later for a well-deserved nap. Have I ever mentioned how much I love to take naps? To a fault, my friends. To a fault! Anyway, my day took a CRAZY turn around 3-ish. I got a call from a friend who asked if I would be the best man at his wedding. Yep, best man. Not because I'm as big as man. No, hahaha. But because the wedding was taking place at 7:00 tonight and, well, his guy friends were not available on such short notice. But he didn't care. Having me as a "best man" was the next best thing. And the officiating priest was none other than my friend Fr. Pablo Straub. My friend and his wife of 20 years had been married in a civil ceremony, but never in the church. The whole thing was fabulous! They took vows and received their blessing on the heels of one of Father's great homilies! Tt was pretty incredible!

And of course we got pictures of the whole thing. That would be the downside, however. I mean, even though I didn't have to stuff myself into a satiny and shiny bridesmaid's dress, the view of my backside on the altar was more than a little depressing. But at least now I have some new "incentive" pictures. Some people call pictures like that "thinspiration." I can't. The only thing "thin" about these pictures was my other friend pictured in them - the matron of honor. But don't worry! I'm good with this. I know it's coming off. I know it's not more than a few months or so away. And the pictures only cement my determination. So tomorrow, it's back to the ice rink. AND the gym. No more blisters. No more excuses.

And that's the scoop today. Oh! And I won't be getting on the scale tomorrow because I weighed in on Wednesday. Maybe I'll just hop on there every two or three days. Yea. Good plan.

So have a spectacular Friday all! I'll be back again soon. Until then, I thank God for His amazing grace. I pray that He'll continue to give us all a little swat with His heavenly staff when we need it. Baaaahhhh! God Bless ya!!!

207.8

2009-02-18T14:09:00.001-08:00

I know, I know. I shouldn't weigh every day. But it was definitely worth it!!!! That said, I'm off to a hockey game. I'll be back tomorrow!

And We Were Singin'

2009-02-17T21:07:00.001-08:00

Well the last two days have been anything but exciting, I must admit. I know why, too. It's because life without the scale is just barely worth living. I know this to be true. I'm a scale junkie. I am. And I'm thinking that perhaps, just perhaps, I should start getting on it every day again. I KNOW that there are many who would argue against this -- but it helps keep me on the straight and narrow. Thankfully I don't have to do anything rash . . . I can decide tomorrow.

In the meantime, I can report that I had my weigh-in for the weight loss challenge. I was down two pounds and more inches. I will, at some point, report the inches. I just don't have a record of them on hand. I have to get them from the nutritionist. I will, I will. I promise. What this means though, it that I will be two pounds less when I weigh in on Friday. Hurray, hurray!!!!

I should also report that although the blisters on my feet have healed, I haven't done any exercise for a full week. Naughty, naughty, naughty. But of course I don't mind, and that's worse yet. Just when I start thinking I am getting into the "habit" of exercise, I take a little "rest." Just when I think I actually don't mind the work, I suddenly hate it again. It's self-sabotage, so I have to really start focusing and get going again. Not killing myself doing it, but doing it every day. Then it will be a habit. And then maybe I will actually start to like it.

So . . . want to know how I spent my day of no exercise today? I had a visit from my very dear friend, Fr. Pablo Straub. He's a Redemptorist Order priest who lives in Mexico where he started a new religious order for both men and women. Amazing! And he's kinda of a big deal. He's like a Catholic celebrity, appearing on EWTN and doing missions all over the world. So he stopped to visit me with one of the nuns from the convent and two other people. Such a great surprise! So we sat at my kitchen table. No, not praying. Singing. And not Kumbaya either. We sang our favorite songs from the Sound of Music. Yep. That's the catholic in me! :) "Eidleweiss, eidleweiss" . . . Of course the other three people there think Father and I are loopy, but who cares? Life is good. And we sang well!! lol. And we ate well too - sandwiches and veggies. All healthy and good.

That's it. Pretty dull, yes. So maybe going back to the gym will give me a jump start. Walk, skate, swim? I'll do something. Something. And then I'll report back. Until then, if you're interested in Father's work, you can check out this website: http://www.windowtotruth.com/. Good stuff!!! Feeds the spirit instead of the stomach. We all need more of that. So okay. You all have a good evening. Goodnight and God Bless!

Sunday Funday

2009-02-15T21:34:00.000-08:00

I think I have now passed the point of what might be termed a "normal" relationship with food. I mean, I keep track of every little calorie I put in my mouth. I log and tally all through the day, which makes for a bit of an obsessive-compulsive thing on my part anyway. But last night I knew with all certainty that I'd gone over the edge.

I went to a hockey game. At one point in the game a penalty was called, which the referee signaled by lifting his bent arms to chest level and making a rolling motion. The woman next to me innocently asked what the signal meant, to which I replied: "roll it, pat it, mark it with a 'B' . . . . ah, yea. I'm pretty sure that no one else thought of the Baker's Man when that ref rolled his arms. Ya think?

The people around me were speechless for a moment, then laughed and corrected me. For the record, the signal is "charging," which means the the player took more than three steps before checking a player from the opposing team. It has absolutely nothing to do with baking me a cake as fast as you can! Ha!

In any event, although I had planned to go out to dinner with the team after the game, I opted for a meal with the coach, trainer and some other very important people. I splurged with two glasses of wine (8 oz of a Riesling is about 180 calories). I also had a fabulous chicken cranberry salad. The waitress was kind enough not to choke when I asked her to go back to the kitchen and get the nutritional information on the dressing. Even more so when I asked her to measure out exactly 2 tablespoons of it so I could keep track of what I was eating. But that's what I did. And that's what she did. And I'm glad.

So another good weekend. And tomorrow, it's back to the ice!!! I was finally able to put on regular shoes. Then I bought wrap and tape and band aids, so I'm ready to burn it up. You'll have to look up the numbers for burning calories ice-skating. They're so high its crazy!! Now tomorrow the schools are out for president's day. The rink will be more crowded so I am quite sure I will get a few chuckles from the younger, more graceful skaters. I don't care. I'm Dorothy Hamel, remember?

Okay, so I'm signing off here or I'll end up sleeping right through open skating time. Good night all. And God Bless.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T15:20:00.000-08:00

Well let me start by apologizing for not posting yesterday. Believe it or not, it completely slipped my mind! I know, I know. The obsessive, dieting blogger forgot to post. I made the mistake of starting a book late yesterday afternoon and, well, finished about 3:00 in the morning. Twilight. A teen vampire/love story. Interesting read, but I'm definitely not going to read the other 3 in the series. The first was plenty, and I need to get busy with other things . . . like helping my mother. Which I plan to do. I promise, mom!!

Anyway, I want to report that after my miserable day I got back on the scale. Much to my surprise there was no change at all. I was the same. I was very grateful, to say the least. And so, I started again. Well, I kept going, if I want to be accurate. I did what I have been doing since the beginning of January. Watching calories. I laughed at myself for the funny choices I made on Thursday. I mean, an extra cup of Kashi Lean cereal???? Regular soy milk instead of light soy milk??? Oooohhhh! That's just craziness!!! What was I thinking???? lol.

My body had pretty much recovered from skating by yesterday, but I had a terrible blister on my left bunion. It ripped and was really sore, so I ended up in slippers all day Friday -- even at my regular Friday lunch with the gals. No treadmill. (I know, I know. It was sad for me, too). So I ate smart and I'm back in good shape emotionally. I have to take a look at my knee-jerk reactions and see if I can't modify them in some way. You know, channel that energy and anger and frustration. Maybe I should take up boxing (an anonymous someone gave me that idea) and get one of those bags that hang from the ceiling. What are they called again?

Oh well, it doesn't matter. I will work it out and post as I do. In the meantime, just a little tidbit. See the candy up there in the corner? Each of those little bad boys is approximately 210 calories. No kidding!! I can't imagine what must be in a truffle. Yikes! As for me, my valentine treat to myself is to have a late post-game dinner with a bunch of hockey players. The restaurant has lots of great choices, so I should be fine. If all else fails, there's salad!

Thank you, thank you for keeping good track of me. I don't intend to let any of us down. And God is very good to me, even when I'm not so good to Him. And I trust Him to take me the rest of the way on this journey, and you too, for that matter. I think He really likes us. :)

P.S. to Galyn: Thanks honey. You are such a great friend. And you reminded me that yes, I do have my measurements. Not quite ready to share THOSE, but maybe sometime soon -- like June or something! Hahaha.

Get Ur Freak On

2009-02-12T19:36:00.000-08:00

Today has been horrible. Horrible. Horrible!! I feel like Otis, the chubby drunk from Mayberry. He could never quite get his act together. And that was me today.

My body ached everywhere when I woke up. I'm thinking that the ice-skating used some muscles that have lain dormant for a couple of years. I could hardly move. And then I made a big, BIG mistake. I got on the scale a day early. And that was it. My day ended. The scale number was the exact same as it read last week. No, no, no, no, no!!!!! I can't take it. Not today. I need a reward each week, and if lower numbers don't show, it's not worth it.

I thought I was prepared for a plateau. Apparently I'm not. So I turned around and pretty much topped out in calories today. I ate about 2300 total. And here's the kicker-- it was 2300 healthy calories. Yea. You would think I would have wasted it on chocolate cake or donuts or something. Nope. I'm either too stupid or to chicken to do that. I had Kashi Lean (High Fiber) cereal, smokehouse almonds, a protein bar and a protein shake, string cheese -- you get the picture. And by the end of the day I was so beyond irritated that I ate a BK cheeseburger for good measure. Just to sort of prove that I had rally blown it. AND I didn't excercise. No skating, no treadmill. It was complete diet anarchy!

I don't think I can handle a plateau. I don't know if I will get on the scale tomorrow or not. I probably will, just because I'm a numbers junkie. But I can't keep on and on if the weight doesn't drop. So here's the question: how do you break a plateau? Seriously. I could use help here. . . . I despise the weight I'm at now. I would be thrilled just to get out of the 200's.

I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is another day. Another big fat day. Ugh!!!!

Escapades

2009-02-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

Or should I say ice capades? I always wanted to be in the Ice Capades. I used to try and do all sorts of spins and jumps and tricks. I thought I was a pretty good figure skater for someone who never had skating lessons. But for those of you who share my enthusiasm for this sport I have a news bulletin: getting back into your ice skates after a long hiatus is not remotely close to getting back on a bicycle. You don't just hop on the ice and go -- much to my shock and dismay.

It's been at least 7 years since I've been on ice skates. And truthfully, I don't recall having any problem at all getting right out there and spinning around, skating backwards and pretending I was Dorothy Hamel. I mean, it was fine. No problem. This morning, on the other hand, THAT was hilarious. Not at first, of course. But eventually I got used to the idea that I had obviously outgrown (either physically or otherwise) the raw, natural talent I used to possess.

When I put my skates on they felt a little bit snug, but I was fairly comfortable in them. They were freshly sharpened so I stepped confidently out on the ice. I was the only one there at first, which turned out to be a blessing. I spent the next 20 minutes stumbling, slipping and tripping on my toe piks. I wiped out, bounced of course, broke a small blood vessel in my wrist. I lost my balance countless times and I no longer have any idea how to stop. That sideways "stop and spray" that I used to do so effortlessly is a a thing of the past. Now I just skate headlong into the boards. Bam! I stop. It was really a trip!

I stopped a couple of times to adjust my laces so they weren't quite so tight at the top. That helped. And then I just kept on skating. "Whoop, whoop!" But I kept on. And after a while, some of that movement became familiar again. I even started to think that if I keep up with this I might very well get to the point where I'm pretty good at it again. And then maybe the lady who is one of the regulars skaters there that will stop telling me I "should really be wearing a helmet." Excuuussse me? Don't you know that deep down I'm really Dorothy Hamel?????

Anyway, it was really a lot of fun. I am not the least bit embarrassed by my lost talent. It'll return, as I plan to. Right after I buy some gauze and bandaids to cover the five blisters I got from those skates. Yes, blisters. Bad ones. Sooooo dumb! But if I can get past that, I have a lot of calories I can burn out there. And it's a work out, that's for sure! But just in case -- I got on the treadmill tonight for 30. Yay me!

I'm off. I didn't sleep too well last night so I am hoping to catch up tonight. Then it's ibuprofen and a new day! Ya gotta love it!

Chili and Frank

2009-02-10T19:24:00.000-08:00

Hey there all! I am up and back at it again today. I intended to apologize for being so depressing yesterday but I changed my mind. You know what? It's part of the process. It is what it is. And although I continue to have fleeting low moments, they always revolve around how much I still have to lose. But I am getting better and better at reminding myself of two critical elements: First, the summer months are going to come around no matter what I do. And they'll be here in the blink of an eye. Second, the weight coming off is a SIDE EFFECT of the changes I am making in my life. Taking better care of myself is a lifestyle change. I don't have any intention of picking up where I left off on January 2nd. I like being able to cross my legs!

I'm not kidding!!! Did I ever mention that one of the added little oddities I have experienced being overweight has been that you can't cross your legs at the knees? Soooo irritating. You wouldn't think so, but it honestly bugs the bajeebers outta me. I can't wait until I don't have to cross my feet at the ankles, or worse yet, keep both feet on the floor. Ugh!!

That said, and moving right along, I want to share my really fun chili story with you. In an effort to have some tasty meal options, I made a pot of chili using ground turkey instead of ground beef. I made up the recipe, and it turned out really good. I tested it on the women in my family, who tested it on their families. Success all around. But here's the fun part: My sister-in-law made a pot of the chili and entered it in a chili cook-off at a cooking store near her home. And guess what? Yep -- first place! HA! Cool beans! Or should I say hot tamale???

I am going to close tonight by posting the recipe here. Also, I want to say thanks again for the great comments! I'm gonna sing myself to sleep . . . me and Franko are buds. :) Goodnight my friends.

TURKEY CHILI

Add a small amount of virgin oil in the bottom of a large stock pot (maybe 1/4 cup).

2 pounds ground turkey

Brown the ground turkey as you add the following:

1 medium onion, chopped

1 red pepper, chopped

1 green pepper, chopped

1 orange or yellow pepper, chopped

Add 3 cans tomato sauce (I use sauce w/Italian herbs)

2 cans low-sodium stewed tomatoes

3 cans of water (I just use the tomato cans)

Sprinkle the following so it covers the top of the liquid with a light layer:

black pepper

white pepper

garlic powder

Add 1/2 tbsp. salt

1 teaspoon sugar

A short sprinkle of crushed red pepper.

Pour chili powder to create a thick blanket that covers the top of the liquid in the same way as above.

Adjust your spices to your taste, but give it an hour to simmer before you do. Hard to tell otherwise.Stir all of the above and allow to simmer for several hours.
Add two cans drained kidney beans.

Optional: one can drained/rinsed black beans (great protein but extra calories).

Yummmyyyyy! I promise!

Day by Day

2009-02-09T19:44:00.000-08:00

Hello! Sorry I didn't post over the weekend. I got a little busy. We had company here, and my sister and I spent the day with them. I have to say, I think that the social aspect of life can be a killer for people trying to lose weight. It's really difficult to go out with people because eating is such a big part of the social equation. I thought I did a pretty good job in spite of it, but it's incredible how hard it is. They offered us some fabulous avocado spread with crackers, wine, garbanzo bean salad, shrimp, turkey . . . yummy stuff. Well I had a glass of wine and some of the shrimp and a little avocado spread -- and then simply passed on the rest. But we got home late and by then I was starving. Had a roast beef sandwich with mustard that filled me up fast. I just don't like eating so much at 9:00 at night.

So it was back to the gym today. I worked out over the weekend, but skipped Saturday instead of Sunday. My knees and hips were pretty sore from yesterday so I just did the best I could. I need to keep at it.

Tomorrow morning I'm going ice skating, so I'll have lots to report. Just pray that it's not about a broken ankle or arm or something. lol. By the way -- my weight after the huge scale fiasco last week stayed at 210. I was pretty pleased. I'm not thrilled when I consider how long it's going to take to get the rest off. I hate even thinking about it. And I am still embarrassed at the gym when I go there. Not every time, but enough. I may have my victories but I am still really big. And I get so tired of it. I just want to fast forward to June or July. I also want to say I'm just having a low day. But the truth is, I feel that way alot. So I guess I'm disappointed in myself after all. Disappointed that I got here to begin with. That I didn't take control sooner.

I don't have any answers why. Honestly, I would like to blame the various medications I have taken over the last 5 years. But it isn't just the meds. I know that. I just wish the healing process didn't take so long.

Alright, alright. Enough belly-aching. Tomorrow is another day. Another victory of some kind. And June will be here soon enough. And I plan to be in the 170's by then. I'll get there. But pray for me. I could use it right now. Nothin' to worry about. Just a little extra, you know? And I'll see you tomorrow!

210.5!

2009-02-06T19:13:00.000-08:00

There's a demon living in my bathroom. I'm sure of it. And since today was my day to weigh in, that demon got busy to make my life miserable!

I hopped on the scale as usual. I knew immediately something was wrong because it said 208. Uhhhh, yea. Not possible. So I got back on. 212.5. Uhhhh, yea. Now I'm nervous. Off. On again. 211. What the???? And so began my little salsa scale-dance. On. Off. Step forward. Step back. Yee ha! Ondulay! WORK those hips. OWN those numbers!

Utterly ridiculous! I never got the same number twice. And I'm sure it goes without saying that my mood went from completely anxious to very, very bad. I stormed around with my insides on FIRE I was so frustrated. And then, thankfully, my sister intervened. "Time for a new scale," she said. What??? "Get a new scale. One that works right. Once on, once off. Done." she said. And so we did. We went out and got me a new scale. Cool one too. One of those fancy schmancy glass ones that lets you see your weight to the tenth of a pound (as opposed to the 1/2 pound increments of my old one). But there was no way I was giving up any of the weight I'd lost. So the first thing we did was compare. Thankfully for me (and I guess you now too), they match!!! Hurray!!!

So there it is. My weight is down another 2 pounds - give or take 5. Hahaha. I'll keep you updated because I will do another weigh-in tomorrow so that I have it straight in my head. Because as you know all too well by now, I live by those numbers. I just need to be sure.

Other than the critical element of my weight, my food intake was okay. Too low today. Only 750 calories. That's not good. I have eat to lose. Such an unfair contradiction, don't you think? But my exercise was good. Treadmill 20 and water agony 10, maybe 15. New muscles aching tonight. But it's good. Really. No, really!

So it's off to bed now. But before I lay me down to sleep, I just want to thank you for the wonderful comments I get. They really have an impact on me. I have been thinking all day today about how I got where I am. And the more weight I drop, the more honest with myself I can be about that. Right now I'm still either partially blind or a flat out liar, so I will keep you posted as I know those answers too. But thank you. Thank you for giving me such great advice.

Okay. Nuf said. May God bless you with something special tomorrow. And may He bless me with both the courage to continue this journey and the wisdom to see the positive side of what I endure to get there. Amen. A.M.E.N.!!!

Drinkin' Wine Spoli Oli

2009-02-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

So my sister is up visiting me this week and will stay through the weekend. We've been doing great on our eating and I am showing her some of the tricks to sticking to the calorie regimen I've set up. Of course she's a lot lighter than me, so she doesn't get to eat as many calories if she wants to lose weight. Surprise!!! Who knew there would be a down side to being thin? Ha!

Anyway, my sister really missed her calling in life. She was meant to be the warden at a prison for hardened criminals or something. She doesn't take "no" for an answer, and that held true tonight when I wanted to skip my treadmill. Let me first explain that I fully intended to get on the treadmill. I wasn't being lazy. Strangely, everything went wrong on my way to do that, and I quickly became very, very crabby. CRABBY!!! And I didn't have the right headphones for my ipod, and I couldn't find a fan in the 90 degree room, and the ipod player kept cutting out on me, and another little person with us was irritating me to no end, and on and on and on . . . I finally got on, but I couldn't shake the rotten mood. So I worked hard on the treadmill for 20 minutes and got off. To no avail, however. I was short 10 minutes of cardio, so my sis made me get in the pool and swim to make up the missing 10 minutes. So I reluctantly climbed in. But that wasn't really enough. She made me WORK those last 10 minutes. My legs are killing me! It works different muscles and ouch!!! After my 10 minutes of hard swimming she had me doing water aerobics, working the sides of my legs.

In the end, I was thrilled. And my sister worked pretty hard herself. So yay us! And that makes it possible for us to have a glass of wine together and spend a little extra time in the pool this weekend. SO yay us again!!!! Hahaha.

I'll let you know how the rest of the weekend goes. We're gonna keep at it. Take care all, and God Bless you real good!!!

I Spy With My Little Eye

2009-02-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's amazing how we can be so blind to the certain things in our lives that we just don't want to see. I was talking to someone today about how long it took me to see myself -- really see myself -- for how BIG I had become. Truly. My eyes refused to see what was happening to my body these last few years. Did I mention that it took a mere 3 years to add 70 pounds to my physique? Yep. Not long at all. And I knew it was happening. Obviously. I felt it in my bones, my back, my checkbook. New pounds meant I needed new clothes. Up, up and away!

And it was HORRIBLE getting bigger. I was terribly embarrassed. I hated going anywhere because I had grown so big so quickly, and I just kept adding. So I knew it, but played some whacked out mind game that didn't let me see just how big I looked. And I couldn't seem to get my head around what was happening or why. Nor can I really pinpoint what made me open my eyes. Something snapped, but not in a profound, climactic moment. It just seemed to happen. Like someone raising the shade on a window. One day I just "saw" what I looked like and knew it was time to change.

But I can tell you this much - it feels a lot different going the opposite direction. It's easier to cope with large sizes because I know that I won't be in them for much longer. And I am grateful, really grateful, for getting back some of the things I didn't even know I missed. Sitting like a pretzel, for instance. I haven't been able to to that for 13 pounds. I can FINALLY sit like a pretzel again. Not for a long time, mind you. The stuff inside my legs that is not muscle has no where to go, so it can be uncomfortable after a bit. But at least I can do it! OH!!! And praying? Well -- and let me just apologize in advance to members of the male persuasion who are reading along -- praying is getting back to normal too! For a while there my folded hands rested on . . . well. . . let's just say my front end was so big I was praying to myself. My folded hands now point to heaven again instead of my chin. As it should be. lol.

These may not seem like a big deal, but they matter to me. And each is a great victory. I plan to have a lot more of them too. But don't worry, I'll share. :)

It's been a long day. Good for calories, no workout. Tomorrow I'll get it done. For tonight, I'm "steady as she goes." Hurray! I'm off. Nighty night.

P.S. to Yesterday's Anonymous: WOW!!!! That was a really good one!!! Thanks.

Treadmill 2

2009-02-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello! Sorry I missed you all yesterday. I was so busy I honestly did not have a minute to breathe. I kept busy right up until 11:30 and then zonked off to bed. The alarm this morning came way too soon. Oh how I love to sleep!!

I have an update on my workout situation. As you know, I have struggled terribly with getting on the treadmill. But I have pushed myself to the limit on this because I know how important it is. We had a heatwave this weekend - 39 degrees- so I opened up my garage doors and hopped on my treadmill. It was wonderful!! First time in a long while that I have actually enjoyed being on there. I alternated between running and walking. Tough business, but if those folks on the Biggest Loser haven't broken their legs off at the ankles by now then I won't either! I kept thinking that because I am basically shaped like a big fat pear my legs would surely break under the weight of it all if I tried to run. Hahahaha. But I did run and they didn't break!

Running on the treadmill is a unique experience all in itself. First of all, I can't run fast unless I have some good music with a beat. For me, that includes rap music. The lyrics to rap music can be quite interesting, to say the least. As I'm running, for example, I'm forced to consider the question "Is that yo a** or's your momma 1/2 reindeer?" I mean, who THINKS like this???

And while we're at it, let me just define "fast" here. Fast for me right now is 4.2. Slow by most people's standards. But I can't go any faster yet. I will eventually. But even when I get there I know that the highest number will be 6.0. I have a friend who runs like 7.5 on the treadmill. I wanted to know what it felt like, so one time I tried to increase my treadmill to that speed. All I kept thinking was that in about 2 seconds I was going to fly off the back of the treadmill and smash into the wall like a bug! Toooo fast. I need a slower pace than that if I want to live! :)

In any event, Sunday, the day of rest, I really needed the rest because my leg muscles ached! Who knew that you use such different muscles when you run? And you want to hear something really wierd? Having sore muscles feels kinda good. No idea why. None at all. But it does. So I repeated the treadmill work yesterday and again today. My thighs hurt. HURT!! And I guess I don't really mind. Ibuprofen can be a very good friend. And my bod' is going to be all the better for it!

Alrighty then. I'm off to do a bunch a errands. ONE of them is getting a whatchamacallit for my Wii so I can go snowboarding tonight. I'll let you know how that goes . . . . hahaha. God love ya. And if you get a chance: Hebrews 12:1. It's all good.

Hunger

2009-02-01T15:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, today I am starving. Starving! I mean I'm really hungry. I woke up hungry, and it's pretty much stuck with me all day long. And now I'm trying to decide how to deal with it. I haven't had very many days like this since I started my program a month ago. And isn't this what it all comes to, after all? My appetite?

I had a friend in college who used to take a bite of her food, chew it up, and then spit it out. The taste of the food alone was enough for her. She didn't need to swallow it and avoided getting all those calories. So I tried it. I spit, and spit, and spit. And when I was all done spitting, I was hungry again. And I decided that this system would never work for me because I would always be hungry. Besides, it would present a problem whenever I wanted to go OUT to eat. And I really like going out to eat.

I had other friends who used more extreme measures to get rid of calories they ate. I could never really get into that stuff. Oh, I tried it once or twice, but I wasn't very good at it. Aside from the fact that I thought my index finger was too short to make the whole deal work properly, I always thought getting sick to your stomach was something to avoid. Bringing it on intentionally? Aahhh, thanks, but I really like having the enamel on my teeth. Plus, I kind of prefer sit-ups to the wrenching contractions of my insides. Call me crazy, I know.

Fast forward to this morning. Bad choices for food almost all day. I had a protein bar before church -- timing it perfectly with my communion fast of course (150 calories). I had a yogurt parfait from Mickey D's afterward (65), along with 1/2 of a six-inch turkey sammy from Subway. (BTW, I have them use one packet of light mayo on my sub. Works well.) After two consecutive hockey games, I ate the second half of the sub (350 total for both halves). At home a little while later, I ate two rice cakes with peanut butter. (great snack!!) That brings my total calories for the day to 835. But now it's getting late and I have to eat more calories, but I don't have a meal lined up. I am super hungry, so I am avoiding the kitchen until I have decided exactly what I am going to eat for the rest of the night. If I don't, it will be a big problem. Temptation city. I know me.

I've been trying to plan much better than this -- but we all get caught in this situation now and again. The idea is to work thru it without throwing all of my hard work out the window. And I won't do that. I refuse. I REFUSE TO GIVE IN just because I'm feeling a little hungry! I'm not starving for real. It would be a loooooonnnnnnggggg time before I would starve to death. lol.

Alright. So. A decent amount of protein today, but I also had too many carbs, no fruit and no veggies. Bad choices. And the analysis doesn't alleviate my hunger. I want something satisfying that's not going to cause a spike in my appetite in 3 hours. So I am going to go in and make a chocolate banana protein shake. 250 calories and 25g of protein. That will fill me up pretty well. Then if I am still hungry I will make a can of Healthy Choice soup @ 220. Add fat free crackers to bring my day's total to 1375. Done. Decided. I'm running to the kitchen . . .

Whew!!! Another good day. Not the best day, but a good day. God's day. And you know what? I'm gonna offer up my hunger today. Give it a divine purpose, let God use whatever good He can extract from it for something better. And tomorrow I will plan better. Yea. A good day.

P.S. to my yesterday Anonymous: Stick with me and soon you'll see, just how skinny we can be! :)

212.5

2009-01-30T09:02:00.000-08:00

I am off to meet a few friends for our regular Friday lunch date, but I wanted to quickly check in and share the joy! And we're talking JOY!

My weight this morning was 212.5!!!!

There are no words. Okay, well maybe a few -- just enough to say that my good choices when I was with the family really paid off. What a reward! This brings me to the 1/2 way point of getting out of the 200 range. La-tee-da!!!